I Hate Duane Reade: Service from Hell

It's a Miracle You're Still In Business - Thanks Walgreens Bail Out!

2011-09-30T16:08:00.004-05:00

So BusinessWeek profiled the DR and spent 20 minutes on the phone with me for the article. Nothing I said made it in, but it was a fluff piece about DR's new lipstick-on-a-pig campaign, so as expected.

Also? Just because this blog is now #6 in search terms versus #1 doesn't mean people like your pharmacy. It means we've focused on other projects that aren't as depressing and haven't created new articles. Pretty much SEO 101.

Pretty sad when you use the measure of THIS spiteful blog as your benchmark for success.

Anyway - here's the article:

"The layouts were labyrinthine and the merchandise disorganized. The staff was so famously sullen that the blog “I Hate Duane Reade: Service from Hell” used to come up first when Googling the company. In 2007, New York magazine asked the actress Martha Plimpton, a lifelong resident of the city, what she hated most about living there. “The dead-eyed pharmacy people at Duane Reade,” she said. “It’s always a journey into the heart of darkness.”

And:

"Duane Reade still has some transforming to do. This year it again ranked last among pharmacies in customer service, as measured by J.D. Power. Its score did improve, though, something that’s never happened in the five years the survey has been taken. Duane Reade executives prefer another ranking, which measures how likely it is that a customer will refer someone to the chain; on that score, Duane Reade says it has improved 150 percent since 2008.
Then there’s the informal score: The I Hate Duane Reade blog went quiet after Walgreens bought the chain. These days, if you Google Duane Reade, the blog comes up sixth."

BREAKING NEWS: Walgreens EATS Duane Reade for Breffesst

2010-02-17T09:36:00.002-05:00

BOO YAH.

(via Gawker)

Duane Reade Has Everything for Back To School

2009-11-29T11:48:00.005-05:00

The Gentler Sox

2009-11-23T09:07:00.004-05:00

Is this the dawn of sexist pricing? Because what I'm seeing here is:

One pair of plain, white, low cut Women's Kushyfoot socks for $4.19.

And right next to them? THREE pairs of plain, white, low cut Men's Kushyfoot socks for $4.99.

Who's fault is this? Kushyfoot's MRSP? Duane's fleecing tactics? Discuss.

Rules of Supply and Demand

2009-11-16T06:16:00.003-05:00

When there's no demand for your product - put that shit on sale.

Oh and why is there empty space at the bottom? Half went over to an end cap (the beginning of an aisle) for 'special promotion'. Don't fool yourself - sparkling kool aid ain't selling.

You Want Feedback? I Think I Can Help.

2009-11-10T15:25:00.009-05:00

Checked my Twitter feed (@ihateduanereade, come spread happiness with me) and stumbled upon this little nugget of joy:

DR_DuaneReade: Thanks for your message ... looking forward to working with you and addressing your challenges and def welcome your feedback ... thank you!

(Damn. I forgot that I have my feed on temporary auto-message, which sent our friend a little note from yours truly.)

Oh, Brian. Let me share the challenges me and the IHDR readers face. As for 'feedback'? You have this blog to play with.

1. This re-branding of Duane Reade, while very bright and shiny, doesn't cover up the fact there are systematic issues with your drugstores. The old 'lipstick on a pig' solution doesn't work.

2. The heart of this blog and the subject of 99% of the complaints about DR is your STAFF. They are not happy, therefore they treat us like assholes. It's like the classic abuse cycle. Pay them more, change their hours, give them incentives, whatever it takes. Don't just hire more staff, or fancy staff, like the skin care girl who stands there drinking her morning smoothie (yeah, I saw you in the Herald Square location). Hire managers who motivate, not intimidate.

Side note: I'm not excusing the idiot customer here, as there are some champion douchebags out there. However, customers don't make money off of the way they treat employees. Businesses make money off of giving, at least, satisfactory service for payment.

3. Your pharmacy. I can't even begin to get into this. Stop losing our prescriptions, hiring bored, inattentive staff to man the front counter, lying about policies (ex. how you can't transfer scripts between branches more than 3 times, but invite website users to do so for every medication via your website. I'm looking at you, 86th Street.), and how long it will take to get our prescriptions.

Also? Pick up your damn phone.

4. Your cashier line. I see with the new stores you have a nice little cattle corral, with which to coordinate your customers into one orderly line. But the other 80% of your stores still have a row of cashieR, who is unwilling to make eye contact with the very confused double line of people, and who most certainly won't make the effort to say 'hi folks - one line only, please.'

5. Where the hell is your manager? He's certainly not helping when morning rush hits and there are four employees rearranging cigarette boxes, while an angry mob gives up and discards their purchases in the candy shelves - in favor of making it to work on time and keeping jobs.

Yeah, I make it sound soooooo easy, don't I? Well, if you took some of your budget and applied it to staff training and layout efficiency programs, there wouldn't be a need for pretty, shiny colors...or thousands of laminated, earth-unfriendly, 'Duane Readers' that will only end up strewn across the sidewalk and stuck under the security guy's shoe.

Thanks, Brian, for 'working' with me. I'm sure we'll have some great conversations. Oh, and if marketing for Duane Reade doesn't pan out after the holiday season (because let's face it, this is only a 4th quarter push and most likely not a long term investment), maybe the old guy behind the photo counter will let you take over.

Duane Tries a Little 'That's What She Said'...Fails.

2009-11-09T14:24:00.005-05:00

Click on image for larger version. Heh.

Update: Brian is BACK!

2009-11-09T08:39:00.008-05:00

Remember this post, where we'd discovered that Duane Reade's Twitter feed was a bit lacking in skill, updates, life signs, customer service? The last time they'd posted was in late May and seemed a bit confused as how to handle the rush of customer DMs and @replies.

Well, "Brian's" back, ya'll!

@duane_reade started to show signs of life on October 28th and a new Twitter addy @dr_DuaneReade has been added. Both are run by poor Brian. I wouldn't want that job. Once people catch wind that you are available for comments and questions, it ain't gonna be pretty.

Anyone want to place bets on how long they will last? Will they follow 'IHDR' (@ihateduanereade - feel free to show your love)? More to come, my fellow victims.

UPDATE: We're being followed on Twitter by Brian himself. What should we ask?

Delish Taste Test: The Elegant Dinner Party

2009-11-08T09:18:00.004-05:00

One of the perks of being friends with a snarky consumer blogger is they'll show up to a dinner party, armed with pharmacy-brand snack chips and beg you to try them.

Today's review is of Duane's Creamy Ranch Soy Crisps. I really wanted to review these on my own and not subject others to my ridiculous hobby. But every time I opened up the cabinet and saw the bag, I wrinkled my face (even more) and quickly grabbed something else. Remember that scene in Pee Wee's Big Adventure when there's a fire at the pet store and he keeps avoiding saving the snakes because of his complete disdain for the slimy things? Yeah, that.

Can someone tell me who the hell is their packager? I mean, I get the Statue of Liberty branding and even the phallus-shaped salt shaker on the baked chips, but a chick in a soy crisp skirt? Is she someone's niece who needed something for her portfolio? I'm totally picturing this poor girl sitting down at an agency with this moment of elegance: 'This is my commercial look. I'm giving a kind of hey-bite-my-skirt vibe.'

On to the testing. The victims today are all six of us dinner guests and hosts. I've told them before they partake that they should be honest and not feel compelled to hate them, as is trend with this blog.

Their reactions were interesting.

Mike: (sniffs bag) Smells like peanuts at my grandparents' house.

Ernio: There IS a weird cardboard smell...I'm very afraid.

Joe: (turning the crisp over) Now, where does the 'creamy' part come in? I'm not tasting any ranch here. I have to have another to figure this out. Oh wait, there's an herb.

Claire: (scrunched up face)

Greg: Not bad. I'm not a big rice cake fan, but this is ok, they all taste like cardboard.

Claire: My mouth was sealed shut.

Mike: This tastes like off-brand puffed rice cereal with salt and ranch flavoring. Made my body hair fall out.

Joe: (checks bag) Maybe they're already expired?

We tried them again, this time dipping them into actual ranch dressing. While I believe anything that serves as a vehicle for cream-based dip gets an automatic pass, this was definitely pushing it.

Final vote: Duane Reade 1, IHDR 5

Star rating for the hell of it: 1 star out of a possible 5.

This Just In: Lady Liberty Peddles Spicy Cajun Trail Mix

2009-11-07T10:58:00.008-05:00

Is Duane Reade violating a UPC code rule by stretching it out into a Statue of Liberty shape? I'm assuming not, though I wouldn't put it past them. But I can guarantee they're in violation of my taste bud laws.

IHDR reader Scott writes:

I don't know if this counts as a horrible retail experience or just as horrible plagiarism. The new packaging for DR house-branded items uses a Universal Product Code as a design element ...

Well, it seems that there is a standard UPC use (here via Wikipedia), but when have we seen Duane Reade follow any standards?

Dimensions

UPC-A Bar code symbols can be printed at various densities to accommodate variety of printing and scanning processes. The significant dimensional parameter is called X-dimension, the ideal width of single module element. The X-dimension has to be constant in UPC-A symbol. The width of each bar (dark bar) and space (light bar) is determined by multiplying the X-dimension by the module width of each dark bar or light bar (1,2,3, or 4).

The X-dimension for the UPC-A at the nominal size is 0.33 mm (0.013 in.). UPC-A can be reduced or magnified in the range of 80% to 200%.

Nominal symbol height for UPC-A is 25.9 mm (1.0 in.).

Quiet zone (light margin)

The minimum Quiet Zone width required by the UPC-A bar code symbol is 9 x X-dimension on both the left and right sides. UPC-E requires 9 X-dimension units on the left side and 7 on the right. (Source; UPC Symbol Specification Manual).

Barcode text

Exactly 12 digits must be printed below the UPC-A barcode.

Yep, I don't know what the hell they're saying either. Best I can surmise: there's a standard, though there's a little bit of breathing room when it comes to sizing. I don't see a 'Statue of Liberty' clause here, so maybe they've found a loophole.

(Thanks, Scott, for the head's up)

This Just In: Pharmacy Woes

2009-11-06T22:14:00.004-05:00

Poor Kayan. Trying to get a prescription at the DR only to be met with harassment and hours of waiting. Sound familiar?

I am a long time Duane Reade customer, but today was the first time I left a prescription at the pharmacy to be filled. Though there were several people working, it took quite a few minutes to get the attention of an employee. The clerk took the prescription, asked how it would be paid for, told me that the cost would be $105.00 and that I should come back in one hour. When I asked why a simple prescription which involved placing 5 packets in a bag and making a bill would take such a long time, the clerk said that the processing and the customer volume (the place was nearly empty) would take time.

I returned 1 1/2 hours later to find there were no employees at the 'pick up' line, though several walked about in the pharmacy and one was browsing the aisles and talking to people while drinking a Dunkin Donuts Iced coffee.

I attracted the attention of an employee and asked where I should stand to pick up a prescription. I was told they was only one line open (mostly for people purchasing tissues and laxatives and such). The employee drinking the coffee returned, I asked for my prescription and was told "You have to wait! All these people have been waiting a long time! It's that way everyplace, you just have to wait!" I asked for the prescription back and said I would have it filled somewhere else, to which the employee replied,"Why do you want to do that? Just wait like everyone else! It is already ready but you have to wait for it!". I repeated my request for the prescription order, and left amid angry mutterings from other customers, "Why don't you wait?!?" I have waited over 3 1/2 hours!.

I went to another pharmacy a block away on 181 St., was told to come back in 20 minutes, and was given the identical product for which I was charged $54.00! I will never use a Duane Reade Pharmacy again.

I'd have to agree (surprised?). 3 1/2 hours of repeated requests for updates, assistance, and the damn prescription is just not worth it. And, for the record, this letter was sent to Duane Reade via their website. No response yet (still surprised?)

What do you guys think?

(Thanks to Kayan for the head's up)

How Duane Reade Sets Up Their Displays

2009-11-05T10:03:00.003-05:00

with Post-Its! Pink ones!

There were a few of these around the 86th / Lex location. This one says:

Pampers
Cruisers

tie in DR baby wipes

Popcorn end cap
to vitamin water

::puts on Beatnik beret:: that is some hep poetry, Duane.

Overheard In the DR: Bored Security Guard Edition

2009-11-04T08:05:00.001-05:00

Security guard: I hate it when there's nothing to do all day.

Cashier: Today's been good, though. Hectic. Lot of people robbing us.

--Duane Reade

(via Overheard In New York)

Duane Reade 'Delish' Taste Test: Turkey Gouda Mini Bites

2009-11-03T13:27:00.001-05:00

During my trip to Duane Reade Herald Square, I thought I would pick up one of their fresh 'food' items. I tried to find something that ran the least risk of running to the ladies' room and I came across these:

That's right - Turkey Gouda Mini Bites. Ingredients: Smoked Turkey, Gouda, Lettuce, Tomato, Mayo. Ok, this look promising.

Wait - these things are fucking mini. They weren't kidding. And holy shit - 560 calories?! For WHAT?!! What, do they soak the turkey in Burger King juice?!

Skimpy. I believe I found only two hints of tomato out of six portions. Hmmm...what would I do to improve upon these? Something more filling than six pieces of wrap lightly kissed by meat product. Ah, here we go:

Final Vote: -5 for Duane Reade, 1 for IHDR.
Star Rating for the hell of it: 1 Star. Ed McMahon is rolling in his grave.

I Survived Duane Reade Herald Square

2009-11-03T11:17:00.005-05:00

As promised, I took a trip to the new Duane Reade in Herald Square. I really wasn't expecting too much to complain about, after all, this is probably where they've been spending all of their money. Rather than beefing up cashier training and pharmacy coordination, that is.

Duane Reade...brought to you by the $3.00 ATM fee. Let me find a better angle.

Ok, here we go. Nice new branding, all that jazz. Location's good - it's catty-corner (kitty-corner?) to Macy's so it's great for trapping the tourists.

When you walk in, the first thing that comes to mind is suburban grocery store meets hospital. Everything is bright white and spotless. This is to be expected, after all, they just opened a little over a week ago. On the first level there's food, cold items, beer, and something they're calling 'Apartment Living'. That's just a nice way of saying 'Here's some stuff to clean your shoebox of an apartment.'

I immediately went upstairs, understanding from all the blog postings that this is where the magic happens. And holy balls, it's fucking Sephora. The entire layout is exactly like Sephora, but what's hilarious is even minor items, like hand soap, get the well-lit row with brand names on top of the shelves. The staff upstairs is dressed in all black...again, the Sephora uniform. Very interesting.

The other thing that you notice right away is that you can't turn down an aisle without at least two DR workers stocking shelves or moving items around to look busy. This is why I wasn't able to take interior photos - the place was crawling with employees. Good plan. There is one cashier during the 4:30p rush on Park Ave. South, but Herald Square needs a dude rearranging baby wipes full time. I get it.

Speaking of aisles, they're getting all fancy-like and chose a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote to tempt you into buying hand cream. On the display: 'Beauty without grace is like the hook without the bait.' Ah, the fish reference. Gets me every time.

After about five minutes of walking in a circle, I feigned interest in a product on display called 'Perfect Cleavage Cream'. A young man saddles up next to me and says triumphantly 'this is also sold at Barney's.' This is true - I checked. I asked him and his co-worker, a woman with handy makeup fanny pack, whether they were trying to copy Sephora in their layout. Their response was a look at each other, an awkward chortle, and a decisive 'NO'. But, they tell me I should take advantage of their in-store events, which happen daily, and they give makeovers.

Dear readers, there are some things I am terrified to do and it usually involves Duane Reade employees touching my face.

As I was leaving, I picked up one of their 'mini wrap' sandwiches (taste test post TK), and passed a decorative table display of Brownie Pops with the sign 'What I Need Now'. Yes, Duane, what America needs is a table of diabetes.

All-in-all, if you want to brave the tourists and hit up Herald Square's DR, you should. You'll only appreciate it more because of the ten-cent versions you have in your neighborhood.

UPDATE: DrugstoreNews has a good slideshow of interiors. Enjoy.

Duane Reade 'Delish' Taste Test: Grande Chunk Cookies

2009-11-01T20:03:00.004-05:00

Originally, I'd hoped to have a group full of Halloween partiers take part in this taste test. But. I left the cookies at home. Yeah, grande chunk fail.

Slap on wrist over. On to the taste test.

These are called 'Grande Chunk Belgian Chocolate Chip & Chunk Cookies (made with creamery butter)'. And there's a tag line: 'Bright Lights BIG Cookie'. Alright Duane, we get it. These are big ass cookies.

Um.

Alright, Duane. These are standard size cookies.

Sigh - a little annoying, but it's still a cookie and my four-year old self didn't earn my iron-on cookie monster sparkle t-shirt for nothing. Cookies and I speak the same language: nom-ish. I'll also accept nom-ese.

Tasters are the usual suspects: me and the BF.

Me: So what did you think?

BF: Meh. There was no flavor and they were super dry.

Me: What about the chocolatey factor?

BF: ::waves hand:: Pfffft.

And there you have it. In my opinion, they were exactly like Chips Ahoy, but a bit bigger. The cookie was definitely crummy (not as in 'sucks', but as in 'have to clean my couch'), but was an ok sweet chocolate cookie. I'm a little partial to chewy cookies myself, so I guess other would like this crispy version of the classic.

And PS: They're really liking this alkali stuff - it's in the chocolate liquor, which is the third ingredient.

Final vote: 1/2 Duane Reade, 1 1/2 for IHDR

Star Rating for the hell of it: 2 Stars. If it's in the house, I'll eat it, but I'm not buying these again.

Duane Reade 'Delish' Taste Test: Scrumptious Brownie Bites

2009-10-31T08:43:00.004-05:00

Looking a bit like meatballs, no?

Ok. Today's taste testers are me and the BF. No cat again today - chocolate is no good for felines.

I'm a little annoyed already (surprise face) because they have a 'best before' notice on the package...but clearly they don't label the freshness at the point of packaging. They wait until it gets to the fucking store and then JimBob or whoever tags it with a sticker gun with whatever date they feel like.

Observe.

Sorry, my iPhone camera was zeeking out and not focusing. But you get my point: 'Best Before' has no date next to it. Sticker loosely posted on the packaging says 11/28/09. Therefore, if it's dusty, stay the fuck away from them.

On to the tasting. There are only four to a package, which isn't so bad, but I was surprised. Maybe because whenever I'm ready to eat brownies, there's a tray involved.

BF: Hmmm...not bad. Ok wait, there's a funky aftertaste.

Me: Yeah, like I sucked on a nickel and then ate a brownie.

BF: Yeah, like an alkali taste (note: BF is supersmart, so him referencing 'alkali' is not me padding the story).

Me Checking the Ingredients: Holy shit. Egg, Corn Syrup, Cocoa Powder - PROCESSED WITH ALKALI! Ew.

Me Eating Another: You just have to keep eating them to get rid of the aftertaste. That's how they getcha.

Final vote: 0 for Duane Reade, 2 for IHDR.
Star rating for the hell of it: 2 stars out of 5.

Next up will be Chocolate Chunk cookies I'm bringing to a Halloween party. Will be good to get a group opinion.

Duane Reade 'Delish' Taste Test: White Chocolate Drizzles

2009-10-28T19:40:00.002-05:00

Alrighty - today's taste test is all about taking something relatively healthy, like a multigrain rice cake, and slather some chocolate all over it. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

In this case, we're tasting white chocolate multigrain DRIZZLES. Fo-shizzle. Why there's a fork and knife bookending the plate on the packaging, I'm not too sure. Is this a meal replacement? Should we be using utencils? Are Drizzles considered fine dining-zzle?

My judges are my piano teacher, Doug, and the BF.

Doug was with me when I opened the bag and took a deep sniff. What. I sniff my food. Stop judging me. Anyway, the odor whooshing from the bag was overwhelmingly maple-y. Like a maple fart.

So Doug tried it first and although he was initially put off by the 'scent,' he said he liked it. Ok - one for Duane.

The BF tried it just now and said 'Not bad.' Right. Two for Duane.

My turn. Hey, these aren't as horrifying as their moniker (which, by the by, is reminiscent of Dad trying to be 'hip' and 'withit' at my 13th birthday party). Think rice pops with a little white chocolate, but crunchier.

Damn Duane 3, IHDR 0. That's ok - they're pretty good. I wouldn't rate them up there with my current obsession, which are Sweet and Sour Twizzlers. But I'd grab them if I was craving a sweet cereal-like treat.

Final vote: 3 Duane Reade, 0 for IHDR
Star rating for the hell of it: 4 1/2 stars out of 5

I'm Gonna Vom...Duane Reade Launches Upscale Makeup Department

2009-10-27T21:14:00.003-05:00

Are you kidding with this?

MSMPR 24 Seven has posted a pretty in depth photo montage of Duane's new powder room in their new Herald Square location. Will you take a look at this wide shot and tell me you see our friendly-neighborhood DR Cashiers manning this shit? Seriously.

I'm all for saving money, but this is yet another 'dress on a cockroach' situation.

Duane Reade 'Delish' Taste Test: Cashew Crunch

2009-10-26T20:16:00.004-05:00

Tonight's treat is DeLisH's All Natural Cashew Crunch. I'm feeling pretty optimistic about this one because for me, you can wrap a cashew with fiberglass and I'd still eat it. The bar's pretty low.

Before we start, let's look at the marketing:

'These crunchy little morsels are Slowly Dry-Roasted [why are these capitalized?] with a pinch of sea salt, lightly glazed with sweetness, then lovingly [...] packaged to guarantee freshness.'

Isn't that precious? Oh and check out the HEALTHY BENEFITS:

All Natural
100% Vegan
Gluten Free
Kosher
Wheat-Free
Cholesterol-Free
No Preservatives
Dairy-Free
Contains No Peanuts

Are we still eating food here?

Alright, enough jibba-jabba. Judges are just me and the BF tonight - can't really feed the cat sugared cashews. Anyway, we're digging in.

Boyfriend: Hmmm...that's nice. Like the roasted nut cart on the corner, but nice. It's clearly not health food. But I'm surprised...definitely not the rice cakes from Hell.

Me? Yeah, I like it. It's really pretty good. Damn you, Duane. You win this round.

Final vote: 2 Duane Reade, 0 IHDR.
Star rating: 4 out of 5 stars. (Come on, Ed McMahon didn't give these out lightly, so neither am I.)

Duane Reade 'Delish' Taste Test: Spudzz

2009-10-25T09:56:00.005-05:00

I'm taking one for the team and reviewing some of the 'food' 'products' Duane Reade has to offer. You probably have seen their new line of food stuffs called 'Delish'. FYI: there is already a food website run by MSN/Hearst called Delish, but I guess the DR really won't be competition, b/c it's not like they're going to suddenly have a nationwide boom for their overpriced cranberry juice. But I digress.

Today's taste testing: Delish Spudzz Sea Salt Baked Potato Chips...wait is it DeLISH? Oh jesus jump down, RaNdom cApitaLizati0N wILL g3t YoU nowherE, Duane.

First off, I try not to eat anything with two 'zz's in the name. Can you hear my eye roll?

Secondly, can we talk about the phallus?

Ok now the judges: Me, of course. My unsuspecting boyfriend who doesn't know he's going to be participating. And Chloe, the calico cat. Hey, I needed an impartial third judge and she has a better palette than I.

Boyfriend: Rice cakes. Salty rice cakes.

IHDR: 'Would you eat them again?'

Boyfriend: 'Well, that's different from saying I'd buy them.'

IHDR: 'Well would you?'

BF: 'Nah. Wait, they're baked...that explains some of it.'

Ok my turn. I know, guys, that I'm supremely biased. But, I like baked chips, so this may turn in their favor.

OH f*ck my lawn these are HORRIBLE! oh, jesus, it's like...Ok, you know when you make instant mashed potatoes from the box and you have to drown it in butter to get rid of the manila folder taste of it? Yeah, like that, but no butter.

Last up: Chloe.
Sniff test. She's taking her job very seriously.

Not sure...

She crunched it a bit, but really just liked the salt.

Final vote: One for Duane, Two for IHDR.
Star Rating for the hell of it: 2 out of a possible 5

Let me know if you guys try this stuff. Am I crazy or do these serve us better in skeet shooting?

Oh Dear.

2009-10-24T11:50:00.007-05:00

I know I'm not the first one to discover the magic that is 'Potted Meat Food Product' or 'generic Spam'. Hell, there's even a tribute page dedicated to the damn thing.

Really shouldn't be surprised there's a section of Duane Reade dedicated to canned meat. But wow. Wanna know the ingredients?

Ingredients: Mechanically Separated Chicken, Beef Tripe, Partially Defatted Cooked Beef Fatty Tissue, Beef Hearts, Water, Partially Defatted Cooked Pork Fatty Tissue, Salt. Less than 2 percent: Mustard, Natural Flavorings, Dried Garlic, Dextrose, Sodium Erythorbate, Sodium Nitrite

I won't ruin you completely by telling you what mechanically separated chicken is. You can put on your vomit bonnet and read for yourself.

Letter to the DR - Sounds Familiar, No?

2009-10-23T18:28:00.005-05:00

'A L' wrote in today and was kind enough to share a letter sent to Duane Reade. I think we've all been there. Pretty sad, actually, that pretty much every DR customer has faced this situation at least once. And good point here:

"You can make as many superficial changes as you want, whether you change your stores' layout or redesign your logo."

Agreed. Talk about 'lipstick on a pig' (ugh, and I hate that I think of Sarah Palin when I say that)...you can dress up your hip new store, Mr. Reade, but with sub par customer service? You're not fooling anyone.

Full letter:

"I really have to commend you all at Duane Reade. How you manage to stay in business despite poor prices and nonexistent customer service is a testament to your stunning business acumen. I salute you. I've been a customer at various DR stores throughout the city and if there's one particular trend I've noticed is that you all hire the worst, or shall I say greatest, derelicts and degenerates for your staff. The fact that I can buy the same items at CVS, Target or even Bed Bath and Beyond at the same or cheaper prices does not even bother me so much as your staff who are often outright rude and/or totally inept. I don't think these are isolated incidences but a problem across the board. This, however, will no longer be an issue for me as I plan to never step foot inside another Duane Reade again.

Today I was in one of your stores, located at 42-28 Main St., and I could already tell that the lone open cashier serving the line that was 6 or 7 customers deep was going to provide me with another memorable Duane Reade Shopping Experience. I watched this esteemed employee get irritated with a mother who decided she no longer needed the extra can of baby formula. After waiting a good 10 minutes, as 3 or 4 other employees were idling nearby, it came my turn to check out. Not only did your esteemed employee return my Duane Reade card by tossing it on the counter as I held my hand out, he practically threw the change in my hand, causing all the coins to drop. Nary an apology or attempt to help pick up the coins. Meanwhile, his manager Carlos, who was also idling nearby after voiding the previous customer's purchase, watched without uttering a word. This is a typical shopping experience for myself and all the customers who have ever shopped in this store.

You can make as many superficial changes as you want, whether you change your stores' layout or redesign your logo. The real problem lies in the fact that you are consistently losing customers due to noncompetitive pricing and your mentally deficient employees. So it does not surprise me now that your company is drowning in debt or that your corporate leaders are in hot water with the law. From the top down, you all suck."

From what I'm told, it's been a year since this letter was sent and no response from our friends. I would recommend the customer service Twitter feed...but they haven't written shit since May.

Ha HHAAAHhhaaa! ::wipes tear:: Good One, Duane!

2009-09-18T08:30:00.003-05:00

EV Grieve makes a good point. How could you possibly turn away from generic toilet paper from the DR? Especially when it features such amazing puns.

I Work @ Duane Reade, Therefore I'm Depressed - AMEN! Preach it!

2009-09-10T18:50:00.003-05:00

Have you guys seen the magic that is THIS BLOG?

Dru Johnston, as part of his 'The Year of the Blog' project (where he creates a blog a day, which began in April 09), profiles workers at the DR and illuminates their innermost thoughts.

It's brand new, but I smell potential. And a hint of Fritos.

So, have you seen Duane Reade's Twitter feed?

2009-08-06T15:59:00.003-05:00

And by 'feed' I mean 'hey we tried Twitter! Oh shit, people are complaining. Wait, what's our canned response? Right, we'll use that! Hey guys, how are we gonna keep this up?? ::pout:: Twitter's hard!'

C'mon, DR. You're singing a love song to customers these days, but aren't following up with the steak dinner. Just talk to them, don't talk AT them. Tell them you're sorry about the mouse they found in your midtown location. Explain that you're understaffed and can't keep the place as clean as you'd like. Whatever.

And if you're going to promise full disclosure, dedication to customer service, 100% commitment to quality products and service, the least you could do is to get 'Brian' to properly use a social networking profile.

PS: I looooove that the only positive @ reply they received was from a dude with a gangsta Redd Foxx background.

The Next Addition to the Louvre

2009-08-04T07:51:00.006-05:00

Ah 'New Yorkers'...how I love you. It's been 12 years since I've moved here, so I guess I can call myself a comrade by now. But it's moments like these that make me realize how far I have to go before having the privilege of that name.

From EV Grieve, I give you: The Beautifully Copy-Edited Duane Reade Ad

Duane Reade Signage (or more bullsh*t propaganda)

2009-08-03T08:08:00.005-05:00

Photo by Ashley Simko (link) via Gawker

Gawker picked up this photo from blogger Ashley Simko. We've all seen these signs and new 'branding material' from the DR, but this pretty much slaps consumers in the face. Ask anyone in the tri-state area and it usually goes like this:

You: 'Just got back from Duane Reade. Had to pick up stuff.'

Them: 'oh yeah, love Duane Reade - thank god they're open 24 hours. But their pharmacy sucks! [insert epic tale of prescription woe here]'

That sign completely cuts to the core of what is horribly wrong about Duane Reade. I'll forgive the inconsistent branding, the sound-asleep security guard, and even the mouse in the corner. But the inept pharmacy? Never.

PS: Thx to Gawker for the shout-out!

Duane Reade Nostalgia

2009-07-31T16:03:00.004-05:00

A good friend of mine sent me to webarchive.org, when I launched a new site for my day job. Of COURSE I used it to check out the DR.coms from days gone by...

1999...

2002....

And my favorite: 2004...

Duane Reade Fertility...discreet...caring...inept.

This Just In: I'm an Idiot

2009-07-29T13:49:00.003-05:00

IHDR was featured earlier this month on NYTimes.com.

Just saw it today - and I was wondering why I was getting more email than usual!

Regardless: kick ass.

The 'Oh and...' Update: Manhattan Users Guide gave us a shout out as well - thanks MUG!

The Latest in Pandemic Couture...

2009-07-23T14:44:00.003-05:00

(Thanks to Richard, for sending this in!)

Indeed.

2009-06-03T18:55:00.001-05:00

From Overheard In New York:

Hobo stopped for stealing a box of bottled water: But Obama's President! Everything should be motherfucking free for the next 279 years!

--Duane Reade

Stay Classy, Duane Reade

2009-05-28T17:15:00.003-05:00

There are some times when you can't even make fun. Glad to hear the suit was settled, though.

From NYTimes, a Duane Reade Sexual Harassment Lawsuit:

Duane Reade Settles U.S. Harassment Suit

By Sewell Chan

Updated, 12:14 p.m. | Duane Reade, the drugstore chain with more than 200 stores in the New York area, will pay $240,000 to settle a lawsuit brought by the federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission claiming a pattern of sexual harassment and retaliation at one of its Bronx stores, the commission announced on Wednesday.

At the store, employees faced sexual harassment and pregnancy harassment, the commission said. “The store manager, Madiaw Diaw, frequently made vulgar remarks about women’s private parts, sexually propositioned female employees, made lewd comments about their pregnancies and bodies, assigned unfavorable job duties to pregnant employees and repeatedly grabbed female employees, including grabbing their buttocks,” the commission said in a statement.

Employees who complained and filed discrimination charges were retaliated against by being subjected to further harassment by supervisors, the commission said.

The suit was filed in Federal District Court in Manhattan after the commission tried to reach a voluntary settlement with Duane Reade.

“This settlement achieves the E.E.O.C.’s objectives by providing appropriate relief to the victims of sexual harassment while implementing appropriate measures to prevent this kind of violation in the future,” said Spencer H. Lewis, director of the commission’s New York district office. In addition to money damages, the suit had sought improvements in training and other policies.

Duane Reade said in a statement:

Duane Reade will not tolerate sexual harassment of any kind and is committed to a safe and professional working environment for all of its employees. As such, Duane Reade has implemented stringent sexual harassment and non-discrimination polices throughout all levels of the Company, including its stores. Duane Reade requires all new and existing employees to complete mandatory training in the Company’s sexual harassment and non-discrimination policies on an annual basis.

Thanks to DJ_Darko for that tip!

Duane Reade Champú Le Gusta Su Cabello

2009-05-28T15:07:00.003-05:00

Have to give massive props to @edgardoburgos on Twitter for pointing this out.

Prescription Mayhem

2009-05-28T13:45:00.003-05:00

Daisy Buchanan called me over yesterday to relay this Duane Reade nugget:

Had to drop off a prescription this morning. They told me to come back at 11:00. I waited until 12:20, and it wasn’t ready.

Their response? “You can’t give us a minute? You can stand here and read something”

Um actually, I gave you an extra 80 minutes more than you said you would need.

My concern? They suggested you hang around and READ SOMETHING?! Like what? The back of a Nicorette box?!

Looks Like Measles...Chicken Pox....Acne?

2009-05-27T08:18:00.002-05:00

View Larger Map

Ever see that virus movie 'Outbreak'? Yeah...like that. For maximum eye-roll, zoom out.

If Your Name is Duane Reade, Watch Your Back in Aisle #4

2009-05-26T15:48:00.003-05:00

Blindgator is a personal blog, written from the point of view of Brian, the one and only legally blind comic, which is an AWESOME tag line!

From his recent trip with his dog to Duane Reade:

And then we came to the Duane Reade. We were navigating pretty well, until I turned down one aisle, and Nash cleared the display, but the handle of the harness didn’t. And crash, I think they were chips of some kind, as I was in the soda aisle, but it did make a loud noise, and my first reaction. I actually shouted out, “Clean up aisle 4.” It made me laugh, besides what else am I going to say. “Sorry, but if Duane Reade didn’t find it necessary to put a display in every bit of free walking space, these things wouldn’t happen/” I am betting that I am not the first blind person to ever go into a Duane Reade, and probably not the first blind person with a guide dog to go into a Duane Reade. What the hell does Duane Reade do when someone in a wheel chair comes into the store? The pharmacy is in the back of the store. Do they have to go to every aisle, and maybe actually find one that you don’t have to squeeze through? I do not believe knocking over part of the display was Nash’s fault. I chock that one up to Duane Reade. If I ever meet someone named Duane Reade, I may have to be restrained from punching them.

I'm hoping his dog is named after Nash Bridges, 'cause that would earn extra points.

Overheard In the DR (well, Overheard ABOUT the DR)

2009-05-26T15:40:00.001-05:00

Guy on cell: I'm telling you, when a place like that switches from Charmin to Duane Reade toilet paper, you know the economy is in the shitter.

--Great Jones & Broadway

From OverheardInNewYork.com

Sticker Stupidity

2009-05-25T08:24:00.005-05:00

One thing (really? just one?) I can't stand is retail confusion.

I always think of the little old lady, who's trying to stick within her fixed income, getting flummoxed over the 57 price tags before her in the tape aisle.

I am now that little old lady. Well, sort of. I have a job. But - I am kerfuffle-d over the difference prices of packing tape:

There are two tags for the DR Brand of packing tape. Same SKU (the product number identifier on the barcode. See? It paid to have that stock position at Bradlees.), right next to each other, but one is 60 cents more expensive!!

Ugh.

There is a happy ending to this story, as the cashier didn't charge me the higher price. And you KNOW that would've been an issue beyond implosion.

If you spot any of these, send them my way. I'm SURE I'm not the only one seeing these. Actually, Consumerist had a similar experience a couple weeks ago. Seems the DR is a little 'old lady' itself.

When a Deductible Involves Doing Your Job (so annoying, right?!)

2009-05-24T09:12:00.004-05:00

While I catch up on all of your comments - yes, stop yelling, I'm back and pissy - I found what seems to be a typical story from the DR. This customer shared the email sent over to the Dark Tower (or...'corporate office):

I just visited your 57th street and 6th Avenue location in New York City to pick up a prescription and buy other items. The cashier who checked me out downstairs at the pharmacy was rude, abrupt and obnoxious - behavior that was completely unprovoked. There were three registers to check-out, none of which were manned. One had a sign that said register closed so I placed my items on one of the other counters. After a bit of a wait, the cashier finally came over, didnt look at me, and gathered up all of my items and moved them to the other one and said in a loud, rude voice, This register is closed! I apologized and said there was no sign at that one, only at the other. She rang up my items and when I questioned why my prescription was ringing up a very large amount, she exhaled loudly and told me that I probably had a deductible. I said I had never paid one before (this was my first time this year getting a script) so she picked up my prescription, held it in the air to the pharmacist and yelled,

"Can you check this for a deductible! She said she never paid one before and doesnt think she has to pay." The pharmacist confirmed I had one and I said OK and paid my bill.

I dont understand why this cashier was so annoyed and quite frankly, I felt embarrassed and annoyed when I absolutely shouldnt have. The girl works in the pharmacy and should expect questions like the one I had about my deductible. I will be taking my business elsewhere so I never have to deal with this awful type of customer service again.

Yikes. Also? Typical.

Needless to say, send your stories or comment here.

PS: the angry baby photo is from a Philadelphia Eagles blog and I applaud their use of said baby.

Guaifenesin - Treats Your Gout and Keeps the Horses Down

2009-05-19T08:41:00.003-05:00

You know those generic photos on all Duane Reade windows? Ever wonder which drug they chose as the random example?

Guaifenesin, my friends.

What can Guaifenesin do for you? Why, in addition to relieving a throat tickle, it's good for curing Gout, for use as a horse anesthetic, and to facilitate fertilization in women, among other uses.

DuaneReade has discovered SuperTussin!

PS: I know that pic sucks, but there was a glare during the commute. Squint through the Con Ed set up and you'll get the gist.

IHDR on Hiatus

2007-08-08T11:28:00.001-05:00

Hey kids -

Sorry we haven't written in a long time. It's been a slow summer and there hasn't been a lot to write when it comes to the DR.

We'll be back when things get busy again - feel free to keep sending us your tales of woe and we'll collect them for the re-launch.

Thanks for everyone's patience. If you're truly desperate for snark and crappy writing, you can visit Wrathos's blog while you wait for the triumphant return of IHDR.

xo
The Four Bitches

Duane Reade Kills Harry Potter

2007-07-19T13:13:00.000-05:00

Ok, maybe not.

But he DID allow a copy of the last Harry Potter book to be purchased by a lucky...er...muggle. I just burped shame.

From Gawker:

From the mailbag: "Just got the new Harry Potter book (for a friend...seriously) at the Duane Reade on Worth and Lafayette. I plucked it out of one of the opened boxes marked 'Do not open until July 21' and bought it with no hassle whatsoever. Embargoes are overrated."

Lookit Duane, trying to be all controversial. Whatever. That New York shit-cano that exploded last night should've been in front of a DR.

Great Moments in Other Blog Comments

2007-07-19T09:51:00.000-05:00

Where we pull comments on the DR from other posts. Times are hard. Bitches need content.

From Curbed, regarding the phantom pooper, who's been terrorizing Boerum Hill of late:

The Brooklyn comment is silly. I once saw someone shitting against the side of a drug store in a "gentrified" neighborhood in Manhattan. The fecal remains stayed there for weeks, until we had a lot of rain. But come to think of it, it was Duane Reade, so they actually deserved it.

By Yinz at July 2, 2007 2:11 PM

We're all for the 'down with the DR' sentiment...but pooping?

ONLY if they run out of my zone bars.

Then I'm droppin' trou.

Introducing the Duane Reade Makeup Artist

2007-07-17T12:07:00.000-05:00

I've removed the identifiers, but you know where to go if you'd like a makeup artist from Duane Reade...

Poor thing. She's probably really good at makeup, but the hex of the DR is upon her. Our advice: Don't include them on your resume. Stick to the less evil companies you worked for.

Wonder if she uses only Apartment 5...I'm partial to Lemon-Lime Fruit Shine...

**************************************************

Makeup Artist for Hire!

Reply to: [redacted]@yahoo.com
Date: 2007-07-16, 11:44PM EDT

[name redacted]
. .
NY, NY
mobile
email: [redacted]@yahoo.com

EXPERIENCE

Duane Reade, New York, N.Y
Cashier - 2004 - 2005

It's the few-cher!!! IHDR takes a chance on DRExpress.

2007-07-16T13:13:00.000-05:00

Have you guys seen these thingys?

WTF, right? Well, for clarity's sake, I'll tell you that it's a Duane Reade automatic prescription filler.

Apparently brought to you by Cialis. Thanks, Duane, but I'll keep my girly bits.

Here's how it works:

1 - You smirk at everyone in that god-awful pharmacy line, especially the exasperated woman who's trying to explain that Williams doesn't start with an "L."

2 - You take your prescription and put it face down on the scanner.

3 - Then the pharmacist-slash-1800Dentist-operator appears on the screen. LIVE!

Hi Honey.

4 - You chat with her, find out that she works at the Union Square branch and she's actually very nice.

5 - Then you do what most DR customers fear. You leave your prescription in the box next to the screen.

Seriously, you don't physically give your script to anyone.

You leave it in a box and hope and pray that you don't get pregnant because someone mistook the box for shipments of tainted Veggie Booty and threw it out.

6 - Chick on screen tells you how long to wait for your meds. I chose to leave and come back.

7 - You get a receipt.

A few hours later...

I come back to the DR and of course there's that damn pharmacy line. Today's entertainment is a cashier fighting with another cashier about who's taking break because she "sure as hell ain't doing pharmacy anymore."

Ya heard?

Finally get to the front, give them my name, and learn that you can't pick up your meds without the receipt.

Right. Sh*t. Ok. Back to the office to get my receipt, which I left in my purse.

Ok back. No line, thank god, when I get there and pay up.

But the questions here are:
- Is the DR Express really a faster way to get your prescription filled? You have to stand in a line one way or another.
- And what happens when you lose that receipt? Can you imagine that nightmare?
- And can I request a male operator, preferably wearing tight scrubs and a cowboy hat? Shut up, I had a thing for M*A*S*H.

Holy S* Someone Used Dr. Reade!!

2007-07-16T07:48:00.000-05:00

A review posted on Yelp came in mixed, but at least we're getting a little sneak peek into the mysterious Duane Reade "Doctors" On Call.

Sounds like they're pushing OTC meds on top of whatever script they give you:

The doctor did a quick strep culture (negative), then wrote me a prescription for steroids to reduce the swelling and circled some things on his stupid list of over the counter recommendations such as Aleve, zinc lozenges, and halls, basically just different brand names of the stuff I bought last night. Then I paid $95 and crossed to the other side of the store to hand my prescription to the pharmacy less than 30 minutes after I walked in.

Interesting. Wonder how much of a bonus the doctors get if people buy the items on this magical "list."

Things At the DR For My Inner Beavis

2007-07-15T18:44:00.000-05:00

This Just In from "TangyRumpRoast"...whose name is half the reason this got posted. Now for the other half:

"I was in the Duane Reade at Penn Station, buying twine [...], and as I was going to the cash registers I saw a woman out of the corner of my eye. Something weird caught my eye with her shoe, so I looked down. Something was white on the back of her shoes - looked like a design, I thought.

As I was headed toward the line, she was in front of me and I thought, maybe it's toilet paper. And I was about to say something, but by that point I stopped, b/c I saw some sort of frill on the edge of it and realized it was...

...the wing of a maxi pad, which curved up and gripped the heel of her shoe.

And no. I didn't say anything."

Heh..hehhehehhhehheheh....dumbass.

Our 100th Post!!

2007-07-12T07:50:00.000-05:00

Thanks to everyone who visited and to those who wrote about us this year. They're listed in the blog roll, so visit them often!

We'd like to keep up the snark, so keep sending in your retail nightmares to svh2007 [at] gmail [dot] com.

In celebration, here's the post that put us on the (very tiny) map. Enjoy!

Duane Reade Stratego

Map It. Rock It.

2007-07-11T17:31:00.001-05:00

Winick is a group that apparently specializes in Retail Real Estate.

So, naturally, they need someone to create fliers for their clients. Someone...who can ROCK THE DUANE READE PRESENTATION:

We are looking to hire immediately.

We are looking for an energetic, tech savvy, creative person, which can make cool maps and presentations for our clients.

Need to excel in all Microsoft and Adobe Programs on a windows platform

Before we set up an interview I would like the following:

Pick any store front in NY (see our flyers at http://www.winick.com/properties.htm )

Make your own flyer and make a competition map on Google maps so we can sell Duane Reade Drug store the site. Duane Reade will need to see all the competition (Duane Reade, Rite Aid, CVS, Walgreens, and super markets) with in the neighborhood.

Please email the completed map and flyer to XXXX@winick.com

Overheard in the DR: What Exactly is the Tampon Dance?

2007-07-11T17:26:00.000-05:00

From Overheard in New York:

Biotech to friend: Stop doing the tampon dance and let's get out of here already.

--Duane Reade

Alcoholics, Chain-Smokers, and Addicts...NoPointsForYou!

2007-07-11T07:30:00.000-05:00

You guys probably know this, but it doesn't make it suck any less.

According to Duane Reade's website, and I think the fine print on the receipt, you can't earn Dollar Reward points by purchasing the following:

Alcohol
Cigarettes
Prescriptions
Lottery Tickets
Gift Cards
Money Orders (didn't even know they had these...I'm picturing a napkin with a sharpie-drawn 'I Owe You')
Pre-paid Phones
Postage Stamps
Phone Cards

So, in case you're buzzed, looking to refill your herpes cream while sending a self-stamped package of lottery tickets to Aunt Mildred, and talking on your pre-paid cell with Mom about the Applebee's gift card you want to get for Dad...you should probably pick up $100 worth of paper towels to get your coupon.

NJ State Fair: We Want You to P*ss Yourself

2007-07-10T10:42:00.001-05:00

Something caught my eye while waiting at CVS for a prescription.

I was reading the local paper...having a massage...when I came across an ad for the New Jersey State Fair at the Meadowlands.

I'm all for getting folks' attention with witty catchphrases and cool visuals. But I was compelled to visit their website in order to share this with you guys:

This is actually from their downloadable brochure.

Pretty cut and dry. Dates of the fair, map of the midway, smiling kid.

Oh, but wtf is this...

BEST. SLOGAN. EVER.

Because when I think of State Fairs, I think "Gee, they're all pretty cookie cutter. Now if I could only find one to make me piss my pants...well, THAT would be SOMETHING!"

Cold Turkey: Day 15

2007-07-09T07:29:00.001-05:00

I know, I know. I haven't kept you guys in the loop.

It's day 15 of my 'I hate Duane Reade so much that I have to boycott them for a while' hoo-daddy.

And I'm miserable.

Why? Because if I don't go, there's nothing to blog about!

Sure, I could dump a few links from YouTube, post a few notes about general customer treatment. But it's not the same.

So, back to the DR. I lasted 15 days. Think I owe someone a Coke.

This Just In: Coupons 101

2007-07-08T12:37:00.000-05:00

Ah, the "coupon."

The consumer's best friend.

That is, until you try to redeem at the DR.

This just in from Susan B.:

I wanted to fight a parking ticket, so I needed pictures. I went to the
local DR to buy an instant camera, and after a quick calculation realized it would be cheaper to buy the free processing one. Which says, on the package, "Free 1 hour processing" and "coupon inside."

So yesterday, around 3, I dropped it off. The woman asked me if I'd be getting it that night, and I said first thing this morning. (DR's photo desk closes at 6 pm and reopens at 8.)

This morning, I slept in, so I didn't go to pick them up until 11. They weren't ready. The negatives were hanging there, but the photos had to be printed. I agreed to give the worker the "one second" she needed, and about 15 minutes later she had my prints ready (and the ones she'd taken care of while I stood there but before she started mine).
I was buying a diet coke, which she promptly rang up with the cost of the photos.

"The processing is free," I told her. "That coupon you were looking at? Says it's free."

"No," she told me, "That says free 1 hour."

"Yes," I replied, "Free prints with one hour processing."

"You have to pay for the prints," she said.

"Then what does free one hour processing mean?" I asked.

"That you get the one hour free."

"They weren't even ready in six hours," I replied.

At that point we both began studying the coupon, which said, "Free single set 4" x 6" prints. One hour processing." That should have convinced her,
right?

No. The small print said, "Free up to $7.49. If more than $7.49, $7.49 off."

"See," she said, "You only get them free if they're $7.49. Yours are $5.29." (I didn't shoot the whole roll, because I didn't think the parking ticket judges really needed 27 photos of the lack of signs on the block where I parked, and there were only so many filler pictures I could take in 48 hours.)

At that point I just looked at her, and she asked if I wanted the manager.
I said yes. He did arrive promptly, but she then said, "She says she gets
free prints, but her prints don't cost $7.49." He quickly figured out how
to, in fact, give me free prints with my free print coupon.

I left as the woman behind me was asking whether she got a discount because her 1 hour processing wasn't ready in an hour. Although I didn't stick around to
listen, it appeared that the manager was telling her no.

Anyone else have coupon nightmares? I'm sure there's times when the DR even confuses their own dollar rewards system.

Send us your story.

The I Hate Duane Reade RAP

2007-07-06T09:51:00.000-05:00

Genius. PURE Genius. I'm in love.
Best part: "I might be hiding behind the Get Well Cards..."

Who knew the DR could be so romantic?

2007-07-06T09:47:00.000-05:00

From YouTube.

Missed Connections: Hot, Bearded, and Interested

2007-07-05T16:40:00.000-05:00

From Craigslist:

Duane Reade - u were lookin for gum? - m4m - 24 (Gramercy)

I was picking up some beer for tonight... you were strolling through the gum selection. You were hot, bearded, and interested, I think. We made eye contact at the register... when you came up right behind me, I chickened out. If you remember what kind of beer I was buying, I'll buy you a beer when we meet up.

This Just In: Craggy Finger

2007-06-28T10:58:00.000-05:00

From Bulldog re: a recent ride on the glorious NJT.

A little off-topic, but hilarious in that 'funny but gross and goddamn don't let me get like that' sort of way:

I'm in a 4-seater (2 facing 2) sitting x from quite possibly the cutest old couple ever. He's holding their bag, and he gets all nice and settled and she goes, "Ok, now I want my bagel please." He's so damn cute. He yelled at her to give me some more room when I sat down.

I loved them UNTIL she puts down her book and pulls out the weapon of death from her crocheted bag...a nail file circa 1973, the kind with the extreme metal file that never bends or wears thin, and a plastic blue top on it. And she just goes at it. In fact, she's still going. She's doing it on her book for stability, and when the book cover fills up with enough white powder/nail dust, she sweeps it straight off.....onto my bare legs (thank you capri pants- of all the days!!). Then when she's done w/ a nail, she rubs it a few times on her polyester tan pants to ensure there are no snags. Really? I'm 2 inches away trying to eat my rice cakes and pb in peace while reading Bright Lights, Big Ass (hilarious, by the way)!

Oh god- she just finished and said to him, "Well that ought to save me some anyway. You know when they're too long they snag on everything and they rip off at a terrible angle."

Ew.

Only 3 Days Left for T-Shirt Submissions!

2007-06-27T07:38:00.000-05:00

Awwwwww, sweat!

Keep those submissions coming, guys. Deadline for t-shirt ideas is June 30th.

WTF are we yapping about? Go back in time.

Why I Hate You: 9 year old Demon

2007-06-27T07:33:00.000-05:00

It's late. It's 10:32 on a school night. I have a huge presentation tomorrow.

And I'm a lightweight and have had my one cider maximum.

Which is why I have no tolerance for the little 9 year old girl who's currently hopping back and forth and on and off the four seater of my train. Nor do I have tolerance for her parents, who instead of showing a spine, spend the next 25 minutes negotiating with her to come over and sit down properly.

Demon Child: "They know I'm with youuuuu, so I don't nneeeeed to sit with yoooouuuu-uh."

Loud Mom: but you have to bc we have your ticket!!!

DC: "Noooooo-uuuhhhh!!!"

LM to Dad: she's going to be like this for another hour. You talk to her.

Dad: cmon honey...do what mom says.

DC: "NOooooooOooooooooO-uhhhhhh!!!"

::Bounce up::
::Bounce on aisle seat::
::Bounce on window seat::
::Eat rat head::

But nothing prepared me for the final straw. Oh, no.

Dad's vinyl "Robin Leech Presents Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" hat.

I'm tired. Which is why I hate you: little 9 year old girl.
...and your Dad's poor sense of modern-day headwear.

Oooohhh...you're in trouuuuuubllllle!

2007-06-26T09:27:00.000-05:00

Thanks SPF for sending this in -

According to ABC7, the American Medical Association wants an investigation into these new-fangled in-store clinics, which are all the rage these days.

Right, Duane?

American Medical Association officials say they want authorities to investigate whether quickie retail-based health clinics run by pharmacy chains pose conflicts of interest that put profits ahead of patient health. The nation's largest physicians' group on Monday adopted a resolution vowing to seek an investigation after several of their doctors complained that the clinics interfere with the traditional practice of medicine.

The AMA wants state and federal agencies to look into whether pharmacy chain-owned clinics located in the stores urge patients to get their prescriptions filled on site, which the AMA maintains would pose a conflict. It also said that insurance companies should be banned from waiving or lowering co-payments only for patients who get treatment at store-based clinics.

This should be fun.

Has anyone tried the DR Free Clinic?

Ok, better yet: Does anyone want to admit they've gone to the DR Free Clinic?

Cold Turkey: Day One

2007-06-25T07:25:00.000-05:00

Damn you, Duane.

The weekend was easy-peasy. Since I'm a BnT girl, I don't have the DR temptation out in Jersey.

However, I woke up this morning thinking about my frappy and then realized "oh shit. I can't go there anymore."

No problem. I will go to Starbucks. They have the little canned frappies and they're catty-corner from my office.

Goddamnit.

Alright, it's Monday. I should've expected a long line. No problem, frappy's on the way.

They're out. They only have strawberry. And while I love the sensation of sweaters on my teeth, I think I'll pass. So, I get an iced-grande-soy-chai.

$4.77 later, my wallet limps.

This is going to be tougher than I thought.

Time added to commute: 10min

Substitute for the DR: Starbucks

Going Cold Turkey

2007-06-22T07:57:00.000-05:00

As I've noted before: Although we blog about the horrors of Duane Reade, we're total hypocrites and shop there pretty regularly. We call it "research."

Considering the latest round of verbal fistfights I've found myself in, b/c of a lack of line coordination at the DR, I have to quit going there. This morning I told a woman to wipe her mouth with the toilet paper she was holding b/c there was so much shit coming out of it.

Seriously, this place brings out the worst in everyone.

So I have to leave you, Duane.

Not hard, right? Stop whining, Wrathos, this isn't a big deal.

I hear ya, but...

Typically, I go in there with my dollar rewards card and get myself a Zone Bar and a Starbucks Frappuccino thingy. Almost every day, in fact. So now I have to map out another place to get these two things.

And I'm lazy.

The DR is rightnextdoor to my office. Literally. It's like, sneeze and you're hitting Photo Guy.

So, in commuter terms, this is a big deal.

The closest non-DR pharmacy is a few blocks out of my normal commute. So, I'll have to head too far downtown and then go back uptown to work.

And I'm lazy.

As far as prescriptions go...this'll be tricky. I may have to enlist fellow IHDR help to pick up my meds already on file. You know how DR pharmacy is when it comes to transferring your scripts.

Did I mention I'm lazy. Really lazy.

Wanna take bets on how long I last? I say I can do it for 30 days. Cold Turkey.

Any takers?

It's Summertime - Time to Get Smoove...DR Style!

2007-06-21T20:21:00.000-05:00

There are many alarming things about this photo:

1. This product is a DR Brand No-Heat, All Natural Hair Removal System.

2. It's for sale on Ebay for a Buy It Now price of $5.75...shipping $5.50.

And 3. It's a 36 piece kit.

I'm Greek. My chin hair can give Robin Williams' arms a run for their money.

I'm just saying, it goes against the laws of nature to use a 36 piece kit to modify ANYTHING on your body.

Yeah, think I'll pass on trusting the ol' bikini line to the all-natural ingredients the DR has to offer. Maybe they'll offer a gift set with some Triple-Lanolin Mango Vera.

The Mystery of Duane Reade

2007-06-20T07:54:00.001-05:00

Been meaning to share this article with you guys for a while now from New York Magazine called "The Mystery of Duane Reade."

Before you run off to read it, keep in mind this quote:

The company understands two important things: New Yorkers are uniquely harried shoppers, and the whole ball game comes down to real estate. Duane Reade has used its skill at that quintessential New York blood sport to cut rents by shoehorning its stores into bizarre locations other chains wouldn’t touch. And it’s kept New Yorkers coming back by knowing us better than we’d like to think: For all our bluster about good design, organic foods, and attentive service, we’ll take our Band-Aids and trash bags where we can get them.

Damn. Nailed us.

PS: Enter our t-shirt contest, suckas.

SPOTTED: Scrub Marketing

2007-06-18T11:53:00.000-05:00

Our dear friend AB just informed us that there is some major DR guerrilla marketing happening at the 86th / Lex subway stop.

Apparently, a man in scrubs was handing out fliers, encouraging folks to use Duane Reade's free medical services.

Alright IHDR-ers. I need a flyer STAT! Who's got one? Who's seen the out of work actor looking to make a buck?

Let us know!

IHDR T-Shirt Contest!

2007-06-15T14:58:00.000-05:00

An overwhelming majority of (drumroll please) FIFTY-people would buy a shirt. Eight people don't wear clothes. Might I suggest a DR brand tube sock?

Anyway.

We could just put "ihateduanereade.com" on a t-shirt, but that wouldn't be fun. So we're putting the call out for t-shirt design submissions and the winning shirt will be made and sold here for a pretty cheap price.

Here are the rules:

1. Send a jpeg, or something similar, of your design to us.

2. The design should incorporate the website name. Obv.

3. To avoid many lawsuits, please do not use the Duane Reade logo...though manipulating it somehow should be fine and frankly more fun.

4. Slogans are welcome, like "IHDR: Pissing off pharmaceutical monopolies since March 2007" or "Want me to ring you up? Hang on while I finish my Cheetos." or whatever you like.

5. You guys will all vote and pick a winner sometime within the next few weeks. In addition to the 'yay hooray' you'll get online, we'll send you a $25 gift certificate to CVS. I mean, it's not like you want a DR gift cert, right?

Ok that's it. Questions? Post it in comments and we'll answer them.

Go forth and dee-sign!

UPDATE: Sorry, forgot a deadline - let's say June 30.

Missed Connections: DR Gets Romantic

2007-06-14T07:35:00.000-05:00

Duane Reade hottie in a suit, buying smokes - m4m

Reply to: pers-351475641@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-06-13, 4:22PM EDT

Yeah, Oscar is misunderstood. Let's get a drink, you're adorable. Hit me back with which Duane Reade and what we were talking about.

from Craigslist...

This Just In: The Cooler

2007-06-12T15:56:00.000-05:00

Ladies and Gentleman - Think we found our t-shirt slogan, courtesy of the DR on E. 51st.

"The cooler is out of service. Please don't touch it. "

Thanks, Eden for sending this over!

UPDATE: Yeah. I suck. It should read "Ladies and Gentlemen." Oh the irony!

Why I Hate You: Executive CU Next Tuesday

2007-06-12T07:33:00.000-05:00

Hi Guys - I need to vent. Can I pull up a chair?

Scene: 8am at the DR. I need my coffee and these days it's in the form of a Starbucks Frappuccino. You know, this kind?

There's a line snaking down the cereal aisle, as usual, because there is only one register open.
In my defense I tried the 'buy it at the pharmacy' trick, but there was a long line there as well.

So I brave the line and set myself behind a squat, sunglass-indoors-wearing, business woman with a shopping carriage. Full carriage, not the hand-held kind.

I wonder immediately what's in there, because no one in a business suit buys their groceries at Duane Reade. Yell all you want, but you know I'm right.

I also think, briefly: Oh, she's probably got snacks for an office party or something. So I sneak a peek.

In her cart. There are. One bag of pretzels. And one single serving size of Special K.

Blood starts to simmer. Granted, she could have a shoulder injury or weak wrists or some shit, but at the point I start to rationalize why this woman would create the school play version of a clogged artery in my Duane Reade with her goddamn cart...she sighs that "I don't have time for this because I'm important" sigh.

Blood boil has hit 'rattle.' But I take a breath because this is just a small part of my day. If I remain calm, a cold frappuccino is waiting for me.

Oh but no. Now, we have what I call "the Y". "The Y" is the dual-pronged line that forms when folks in the main cash area don't realize that there's a line straight down the aisle and therefore form their own line off to the side.

Shopping Carriage heaves another sigh and loudly proclaims: "Excuse me, the line is back here!" Ok, the Y people mumble some apologies and head behind me. I try to smile in the "You know she's crazy, but let's just get through this" manner, but they're not reading me.

Hallelujah! A second line opens! Alright, people, let's make some decisions here!

Here's where it gets ugly. Shopping carriage continues straight to the 1st line, while no one is approaching the 2nd register, wayyyy over on the opposite side of the cashier area. It's pretty obvious her ass ain't moving any time soon.

So I ask her: "Ma'am? Would you mind if I go over to that other register and start a new line?"

Her response: "I don't care."

Me: "Well, I'm asking you."

She: "I don't make the rules."

Me, holding in my wrath: "Ok." And I shuffle off to the open register.

And I hear: "You're supposed to let the the next person in line go next!"

ohnoshedidn't.

Me: "I just asked you if it was ok?!"

She: "Whatever."

Now I'm pissed. I reply: "Well, I'm really sorry. Looks like you've got a lot to carry there. How's it going, by the way? It must be tough for you...managing your cart filled with absolutely NOTHING?!"

::Blank Stare::

So I get to the register, all proud of myself, and here comes Shopping Cart! She's making her way to MY LINE, even though she's next to be rung up at her register. What in blue fuck is wrong with her?

Naturally, like any mature 32 year old, I take as long as humanely possible to complete my transaction. Oh, would I want to add a pack of gum to my total? Hmm....which flavor....Oh and I think I have exact change! Let me....take....a....look....Nope, you go ahead. Oh, I think I have my club card...let'ssssssss....seeeee.......

And after I hear a big sigh from Shopping Cart, I slowly turn around, shine my shiniest smile and wish her a wonderful Tuesday.

Damn hog.

Lay off my Parfum de Coeur, muthaf*er!!

2007-06-11T12:13:00.000-05:00

Found this in the Daily News Police Blotter. In no way do we condone this type of behavior, but we're just wondering what kind of night this dude was prepping for:

* A thief was arrested for swiping several personal-hygiene products and threatening a worker with a sharp object in a Duane Reade drugstore in Union Square, authorities said yesterday.
A worker spotted Jamison Abramson, 27, removing the products, including lotions and body spray, from shelves inside the store on Third Avenue at East 14th Street at about noon on May 30, cops said.
When the employee confronted him, Abramson allegedly brandished the weapon and said, "I'll stab you," before fleeing.
The next day, cops tracked down Abramson, who was charged with robbery and criminal possession of stolen property, according to the Manhattan District Attorney's Office.

25 Bonus Points to Make Up for That Lost Prescription

2007-06-08T15:14:00.000-05:00

Just got back from the DR.

Shut up, my CVS doesn't carry liquid B12, so I had to suck it up and visit Dr. Reade.

Anyway, I got my prescription and found a new game:

For those who can't see the text, it says (grammar errors and crappy marketing, theirs):

In a hurry?
Did we promise you a time for pickup today?
Did we keep our promise?

FREE

One Time, 25 bonus points awarded to your Dollar Rewards Account...

Just for taking a 1 minute customer satisfaction survey. It's easy it's fast and you reap the rewards!!

Call 1-800-680-5576

Don't wait! Call before time runs out!

Thank you, Jack Bauer.

So you know Attic Gloves and I had to make the call. No verbatim this time, but it went a little something like this:

Welcome to Doo-wayne Reade (and this annoys me...it's Duane, not Doo-wayne...Jim on "The Office" does this with the name Dwight -"Doo-wight"- and although I heart him, I hate that he does it) blah blah blah welcomey survey stuff.

Please enter the code on your filled prescription sticker.

...which, sorry guys, is how they tag you so you don't repeat and get more free points.

Please answer the following questions using your touch tone phone.

When you dropped off your prescription, did you wait at the store (press 1) or left the store to pick up later (press 2)?

We press 2.

When you picked up your prescription, how long did you wait in line? For less than 5 minutes, press 1. For 6-10 minutes, press 2. For more than 10 minutes, press 3.

We press 3, and really did you expect anything less? Personally, I was hoping for the 'for more than 45 minutes with $50 worth of soyjoys in your hand, which you purchased out of boredom, press 22' option.

Are you likely to recommend this location to a friend [::snort::]? Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

We press 2.

Then they go on to say how "there may have been a breakdown" (yes, "breakdown") in our prescription filling process, would you like to speak to someone in our pharmacy department? Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

Yeah, we couldn't do it. It's 4p on a Friday. There's only enough strength left to go downtown for happy hour and cheese. Pressed 2.

Are you a Dollar Rewards member? Yes 1, No 2.

Yes.

So then they ask us to put in the rewards number and we get 25 free points for pushing buttons and being disgruntled.

Considering I will have to purchase another $75 worth of merchandise to get my $5 coupon and that I had to put up with their usual BS (like the cashier looking under B for about 3 minutes until I reminded her that Wrathos starts with another letter), it didn't seem like a decent comp. But sure as shit, I took it.

The DR is sure making some changes around those parts - 25 points at a time! So, if you have a Rewards Club and a prescription handy, be dialin'! And let us know if anything fun happens...

DR in the News

2007-06-07T08:17:00.000-05:00

Morning, ya'll. Metro had a little article on the DR this morning.

Seems they've figured out a way to help manage the congestion issue. On the surface it sounds great, I'm just wondering how they envision a trucks-only lane in the city.

And 4.5 hours per delivery? Something tells me it's not just traffic - that's a crap load of time! Though it may explain why we trip over crates in the feminine hygiene aisle.

“Our trucks travel 450,000 miles a year with an average round trip of 14 miles,” said Duane Reade senior vice president and CFO John Henry. “The average delivery time per store is 4.5 hours per trip.”
Addressing a conference on freight traffic held here yesterday, Henry added: “I think the statistics speak for themselves. We have a substantial crisis on our hands.”
By 2030, the city’s population is expected to grow by 1 million, and the region is expected to have an additional 4 million residents, which means a lot more goods will be hitting the roads. According to the Federal Highway Administration, the volume of cargo coming and going from the metro region will increase by 99 percent between 2002 and 2035.
Because “commercial traffic meets with commuter traffic at a limited number of access points,” Henry believes, “we need to expand deliveries into and out the city all 24 hours a day.”
Henry said that would reduce delivery times, pollution and hazards that occur during rush hours. Though he wouldn’t comment on the Bloomberg administration’s congestion pricing plan, he said he supported incentives rather than penalties to reduce traffic. For example, a truck-only lane for off-peak hours could speed up deliveries.

For the whole article, go here.

I Heart CVS

2007-06-06T08:28:00.000-05:00

It's not perfect, but it's got a massage chair, honey!

No seriously. My local CVS has a massage chair built into the pharmacy waiting area. And it's gooooooooooood.

Can we get one of those at the DR? Please?!

If you do, then maybe, maaaybe I'll forgive you for the cashier hitting on the chick in line this morning, commenting that her perfume was so potent she made him want to quote: "get on her."

PS: Why is it called CVS? What do the initials stand for? Crunchy Value Snack? Citrus V8 SunnyD? Customer Very Stabbed?

This Just In: Aw, C'mon Photo Guy!

2007-06-04T07:23:00.000-05:00

From the ol' mailbox, Anne writes:

Our HONEYMOON pictures (2 rolls) were left in to be developed at the 19th & 7th avenue location one sunny Saturday afternoon. One week later I go to collect them but no-go. So another week later and another week later I go, each time it’s like rocket science going through when I left in the film etc etc…like I would believe some employee sorts through & organizes the photos by drop-off date…NOPE, DR lost my photos.

Perhaps related - apparantly, they've stopped using Kodak's pick-up service and have opted for a presumable cheaper outsourced option which Kodak say they've had numerous issues with. Anyway, somewhere along the process of the bag getting picked up and being dropped of at the Kodak facility they've lost these precious pics…Do I have recourse I wonder ??

So I call the store looking for the name of the manager and NO-ONE can tell me !! I couldn't believe it. & I call their headquarters and the girl gives me the wrong address for their head-office/customer relations. Really interested to see what their response is like and how long it takes to get one!

Hey Anne - Wanna try 866-375-6925? That's the customer service number they've plastered all over their pledge campaign. Maybe this time it won't go to voicemail. Keep us posted, ok?

Remember, It's Called I Hate Duane Reade

2007-06-04T07:12:00.000-05:00

Feel free to check out the comments section for some really passionate folks who are pissed off that we have a blog to vent our feelings.

Yikes. Seriously, folks. Yikes.

But let me take a second before I post today to answer a couple of questions:

1. Yes, we have lives. Barely, but they're there.

2. We each have full time jobs and some have worked out of some really crappy situations to get them.

3. Some of us still shop Duane Reade out of convenience. Hypocritical? Yep. Do we still despise going there? Yep. It's what the shrink calls 'an abusive relationship'.

4. We've each had really good experiences at Duane Reade. But what fun is it to blog about how helpful the clerk was when you can't find the starch spray?

5. Honestly, guys. It's just a blog. You don't have to read it. We won't shut off the comments, because just as we're entitled to our opinions, you're entitled to yours. It's the first amendment and it's pretty cool we have it.

There. Never to be addressed again. Thanks for the full Inbox of support, guys and on with the show!

- Wrathos

So sleepy...

2007-06-01T08:06:00.000-05:00

I know I’ve been gone for ages, leaving Wrathos to pick up the slack, and I only have a moment to spare this morning. I’ll be back with more soon, though, including some international comparison shopping and more in the continuing series “Douchebags at the Movies.” For the moment, I’ve got this little gem:

Walked into DR this morning to pick up a fresh pair of stockings (Thanks for pointing out the run in the back helpful stranger on the N train! I really did appreciate you letting me know, but did you really not expect me to curse when I noticed it?). One of the cashiers was taking a nap. At her register. I mean her head was literally on the cash register. I’m guessing she wasn’t dead or injured, because her fellow employees were showing her just about as much concern as they show me when I ask where to find Q-Tips.

In all fairness, the other cashier was quick and courteous and got me in and out in record time. Of course on my way out, I had to walk past her colleague who was sleeping on her feet like a horse at a glue factory, which begs the question, why are there two cashiers on at 7:30 in the morning when nobody is in the place, and only one at 5:00 when there are no less than 600 people in line? I guess technically there was only one person working, but still. Why even bother to schedule someone to stand behind the counter?

This Just In: BYOKey

2007-05-31T18:53:00.000-05:00

Josh, who writes a new blog called palaverist.org (and another, soon to be my personal fave: [this is not a sentence]) sent in this nightmare nugget:

My own story of hate is about the Duane Reade around the corner from my office, where I actually watched a woman [ed. - cashier, I'm assuming] assess the line forming by the pharmacy, ostentatiously lock the door to the pharmacy, and then tell all the customers standing there that there was no way she could give anyone their medicine because the pharmacy was locked.

Too crowded, ya'll. Unless you have Cheetos, I'm not opening shit.

Speaking of pharmacies...has anyone visited the Duane Reade doctor yet? I'm licking taxi floors just to get sick enough for a visit.

Dr. Reade is available at these locations:
• 1627 Broadway at 50th Street
• 2589 Broadway at 97th Street
• 125 East 86th Street at Lexington Avenue

Go forth and contract TB, people!

From Our Comments Section

2007-05-31T04:34:00.001-05:00

Almost missed this - submitted by Anonymous:

http://duanereadebagssuck.com/

Indeed.

Martha Plimpton, New York Mag, and the DR

2007-05-30T21:50:00.000-05:00

It would've made our day just to know that Martha Plimpton shares our hate of the DR. I mean, c'mon, she totally got to make out with pre-Lake House* Keanu in Parenthood. When he was all bad-ass and drove race cars and she was all preggers and 'I love you Todd' and he was all 'excellent' because really, who can't think of Keanu without thinking 'excellent.'

I digress.

We were certainly not prepared for the write up in NYmag.com's Daily Intelligencer.

Rock it, bad selves.

So now we know that Martha Plimpton hates Duane Reade. She's not the only one, of course, and, as it turns out, there's now a blog — why wouldn't there be a blog? — devoted to chronicling the horrors of the drugstore chain that's eating New York. I Hate Duane Reade launched in February and encourages reader to share their tales of woe. The first post meditated on the one-line-or-several debate; since then the site has included "Overheard in DR" posts ("Teenage girl shaking her fist: 'Fuck you Duane Reade! Gah!' –76th & Broadway"), numerous pharmacy horror stories, and April's sort of genius taxonomy of your standard Duane Reade employees. (A sample: "Photo Guy — He's there. He's just standing there. He knows you want him to say 'cash only' and invite you up. Nope. He's photo guy. Don't mess.") "After way too many bar sessions filled with rants about customer service, specifically the DR," the founders wrote on the site, "we decided to vent our frustrations in prose … and sometimes haiku." Here's a try: Martha Plimpton stews / While filling a prescription / "You have a Club Card?"

Rock.

It.

*a film never to see the light of day en casa de wrathos.

Paging Dr. Reade...

2007-05-25T08:19:00.000-05:00

HOLY Hell, people.

Duane Reade is putting doctors on-site for folks who don't want to wait around at the emergency room.

On one side, I could see the benefits. Especially for lady issues.

On the other, can you imagine the crack den this is going to create?! It's gonna turn the DR into a TB ward!

From NY1:

May 24, 2007

Duane Reade customers can now not only pick up their prescriptions, but also see a doctor.

The city's largest drug store chain announced Thursday that it has partnered with Consumer Health Services to launch DR Walk-In Medical Care. The partnership will allow people to have access to a doctor's treatment for minor medical conditions without waiting for an appointment or spending hours in the Emergency Room.

New Yorkers NY1 spoke to say they like the idea.

"I would use it,” said one local resident. “There's a Duane Reade practically around any neighborhood."

"I most definitely would try it," said another.

"If I had reason to use it, I'd be glad to use it,” said a third. “I think it's very good; they should have had it a long time ago."

The doctors can also provide health screenings, tests, and vaccinations. All commercial insurance is accepted.

Currently the on-site doctors are at three Duane Reade locations in Manhattan: 50th Street and Broadway, 97th Street and Broadway, and 86th Street and Lexington Avenue.

More locations are expected to open throughout the year.

This can't be safe. They can barely FIND your prescription and now they ask you to put your life in their hands?!

I can't. E-V-E-N.

I Call BullSh*t: Update #2

2007-05-23T17:20:00.000-05:00

The pledge is ON, people!

Here's Duane pledgin' at the subway stop:

And here he goes pledgin' up the bus stop:

What's that number about? Dare me to call them? I'm calling...no really, watch guys, watch!

Shhhhh....:chortle:...guys, c'mon quit playin! ooh-wait, it's ringing!

RING RING

Automated voice. Figures.
Press 1 for English...

*Pressed 1*

Press 1 for Location, store hours, etc.
Press 2 for Dollar Rewards
Press 3 for I forget I was typing too much
Press 4 for Dollar Rewards Bonus Points Program
Press 5 for another Dollar Rewards Thingy
Press 0 for assistance or wait on the line.

*I wait.*

If you are experiencing a medical emergency, please hang up and call 911.

*Am I going to hell because I laughed?*

Extension Zero...Zero...Zero...One is not available. Please leave a message after the tone.

YES!!!! BRILLIANT!

I was totally expecting some lame back and forth about what to do if my prescription didn't get filled on time, but Duane Reade, you surpassed my wildest expectations.

I thank you, Duane. Truly, you are beautiful.

I Call BullSh*t: Update

2007-05-22T07:29:00.000-05:00

G. sent in this pic of one of the buses with Duane Reade's new "pledge."

"We Pledge To: Ensure you receive your prescription when you need it. Every time."

Tell that to my anemia next time you run out of B12...or more importantly, when I need my birth control refilled for vacation and you didn't get to it today.

Los bastardos.

I Call BullSh*t

2007-05-21T07:17:00.000-05:00

::chortle::
Was it something we said?

It seems that Duane Reade has created a new ad campaign focused on some "pledges" they'd like to make their customers.

The one big banner I saw on a NJT bus proclaimed "We promise to deliver your prescription on time."

And here's something I found this morning near the vitamins:

BWAHHHAAAA! C'mon Duane, have you sent that memo to your employees? BTW, I'm so tempted to refill a script here, just to call Wesam and give a piece of my mind.

Now, I'm delusional about a lot of things:
- looking good in leggings
- my memory loss is not from college pot
- and that Aki Sushi really gets a fresh tuna delivery every day.

So, I'll continue the trend and think that WE had a little something to do with the DR's new call to action.

That said: has anyone else seen these ads? Got pics? Are there other "pledges" in the series? (Personally, I'm hoping for: "We promise not to eat Cheetos while operating a cash register.")

Diary of a Commuter Strike

2007-05-16T08:13:00.000-05:00

I'm 32, so there's no hippie history, no protest experience, no free-wheelin' parents (they're 70ish and ultra-conservative) who instilled sticking it to THE MAN.

And yet, I find myself organizing a full-blown commuter strike against a local bus company.

This really doesn't fit in with the IHDR sentiment, but I felt compelled to share the experience with you...whether we succeed or fail.

How did this start?

Ok. There's a local online community called Baristanet and it's a really well done, frequently updated, fyi on what's up in our area.

Every time there's an article concerning DeCamp Bus Company, the comments section blows up. People share nightmare experiences (sound familiar), damn the company to a fiery death, describe the pains of a daily commute.

Examples are here, here and here.

Being Greek, I can't shut up.

"So, why don't we strike?"

Well, folks got fired up. T-shirts were brainstormed, date chosen, guerrilla marketing plotted. Wow. Uh, what did I start?

Mom always said "follow through" (so did Coach Poppy when I couldn't get a consistent foul shot). So that's what I've been doing.

Last night I was on every NJ chat room I could find. Ugh, the spam I'm going to get.

I take DeCamp maaaaybe once a month. When I'm desperate (read: drunkenly miss the train home). I purposely avoid the damn thing, even though I could jump from my balcony to the train stop.

So now I'm a Norma Rae vs. DeCamp. And we'll probably get 3 people to boycott and no one will sign the petition. But, I can't help hope that we get their attention and they finally ban abusive bus drivers or keep to the schedule they've assigned. Big dreams, people. Big dreams.

For more info on the strike, click here.

For the petition (if you'd like to sign in solidarity), here.

More on the DR next post.

Line It Up

2007-05-15T08:10:00.000-05:00

I posted about this subject during the first week of this blog, but the concept still perplexes me.

I was at DR yesterday (where I got my $5 coupon - ssscore!) and immediately became uncomfortable when I saw that the line was snaking down the cereal aisle.

So I purposely took my time getting my bottled water, zone bar, coffee drink....line's still long....plastic forks, trial size purell....jesus, is it even moving...hair ties, another zone bar...alright that's it.

Yeah, the line was unusually long. Even for a Monday morning. Being a dedicated blogger (read: I stir shit up), I marched to the front to survey the hold-up.

I would love to share with you some LOLOldPeople story about how some poor woman was trying to pay with pennies and wooden nickels. Or that we were waiting on change from the manager, who no doubt was 'on a break'.

No my friends. What I witnessed was one long ass line...and two open registers.
Nothing gets me more fired up than stubborn ass people unwilling to take that (life-changing!) risk of forming two separate lines. To DR's credit, there are signs clearly stating "please form a single line at each register." But between lazy customers and aloof cashiers, there's no chance.

So obnoxious Wrathos inquires:"Are you guys in one line or two (stating the obvious, but I refused to believe these idiots were wrecking their chances of getting out of this hell hole faster)?"

No response.

"Because, the sign says you can form two lines..."

Nothing.

So, I sheep over to the back of the line and lemming in line for another 40 cattle minutes.

Here's the question:
Which do you prefer? One line or multiple lines? Statistically speaking, which makes more sense? Is there something you guys know that I don't???

Leave your answer in "Comments," because I'm truly curious.

The Post Office is a Magical Place...

2007-05-11T10:16:00.000-05:00

Introducing the comic stylings of the Madison Square Post Office Greeter...

THIS GUY WAS AWESOME.

I know, you can't really see him and I suck at photoshop. Whatever. It's a dude and he was awesome. Now we're caught up.

His job is to prevent riots and postal drama like this. You walk in and the guy's holding court, cracking jokes, answering questions, and my favorite: making fun of the elderly.

"There is no running in the post office. Unless you're a senior citizen. We want you guys to stretch out the legs and work on your lung capacity."

I'm not shitting you.

"If you're a senior and you complain about the rising cost of stamps, let me remind you of your discount on subways, buses and IHOP."

I'm still not shitting you.

"Seniors, you continue to complain, I'm sending you to the back of the line."

Ahhh, I love this guy. Clearly he's ageist, and he's been assigned to customer service within an institution that is most traveled by folks on a fixed income.

Irony: There were no seniors on line. Truly. Median age was about 35.

OneBlogADay.com

2007-05-10T06:10:00.000-05:00

While us girls recover from some major workload issues, check out the interview on OneBlogADay.com. It's a pretty cool site that features...uh yeah...one blog. A day.

We'll be back soon. Stupid paycheck needs.

A More Favorable Signal

2007-05-04T08:17:00.000-05:00

For the past couple of days, we have been delayed a few minutes on the NJTransit train.

Usually the conductor announces over the P.A.:

Ladies and gentlemen, we're currently being held at a stop signal, once we receive a more favorable signal, we'll be on our way.

This gave me pause.

"A more favorable signal."

Ok, fair enough. And eloquent, I might add.

But, here's where I'm confused: What are the favorable choices, besides Green?

Are there more options? Is there a new system of lights, sounds, pictures and phrases to help us get over the Passaic?

One can only guess...so I did.

Favorable signals:

Green
Yellow
Taupe
Hello gorgeous!
Nice weather we're having...
Did you lose weight?
No nukes
::big thumbs up::
::bucket of wings::
Get a move on, tubs.
Pass the dutchie on the left hand side.
::theme from Bonanza::
Can-can girls
Picture of cartoon train wearing running shoes
::whip crackle::
Zepplin laser light show
Guiliani

Aisle by Aisle: Cosmetics

2007-05-04T06:19:00.000-05:00

Nothing says organization and style like the Duane Reade Cosmetic aisle.

Won't you join me, as I take us on an epic(ish) journey through this magical row?

As you walk down the aisle you may notice that Duane Reade is the height of sophistication. They need not finish stocking the products. The cardboard boxes and gray packing crates tell you they are a quality, efficient drugstore and they want to show how abundant your choices are.

And if you're fortunate enough to be looking for a specific item not on shelves, you might be invited to search through them by harried stock persons saddled with cell phone calls.

Duane Reade wants you to know that they mean business when giving their customers a choice. Like the overflow of emery boards, spilling in plentiful piles across the floor. Or the surplus of Triple Lanolin Mango Vera Cream. It brings a tear to the eye.

And, by stocking every makeup variation from Allmay to Allmaybenot, the DR shows they know their customers and aren't afraid of stocking that Hooker Red Wet N' Wild Lip Schmear you might be possessed to purchase after a few cocktails at the Port Authority's toothless karaoke lounge.

In addition, Mr. Reade has given you an opportunity to select quality last minute gifts from their counter. Perhaps a $79.99 Casio fabric-strapped watch for your nearest and dearest? Or what about some plastic jewelry or Parfum de Coeur? I mean, c'mon - it's 50% off with your club card!!

From hot iPod accessories to sample face masks to velcro rollers, the Duane Reade cosmetic aisle is an experience not to be missed.

Any items from the Cosmetic aisle you'd like to highlight? Tell us!

Overheard in the DR

2007-05-02T15:02:00.000-05:00

From Overheard In New York:

Guy: I don't need a bag, thanks.
Store lady: You're going to carry that in your hand?
Guy: Yeah.
Store lady: That's fine with me. I love customers who don't want bags.
Guy: Why waste them, right?
Store lady: Yeah. People need to recycle. They keep cutting down more and more trees for these bags.
Guy: ...Yeah.
Store lady: Plastic bags are made out of trees, right?
Guy: ...Well, no...
Store lady: Oh, I think it's paper bags that are made out of trees.

--Duane Reade, 22nd & Park

Aw C'MON Atlanta Bread Company!

2007-04-30T10:26:00.000-05:00

You'll remember from this post how nicey-nice I was to Atlanta Bread Company b/c they'd admitted a screw up and were happy to make amends.

Went there again this weekend. Two sandwiches. Both require cheese. Cheese is my life's blood. I would live on grilled cheese sandwiches if I wouldn't then have to use a pulley system to get to/from work.

Anyway, yeah, no cheese. Not even 'wrong cheese'. Not even 'half-assed attempt at cheese'. Goddammit. Where's my CHEESE?!

Atlanta Bread Company is now on my sh*t list.

I'm misty-eyed. Words are failing me. So I'll let this dummy take a crack at it:

Looking for a job? You must be smiling, cheerful, dependable...at least during the interview.

2007-04-30T09:00:00.000-05:00

Cashier/Stock Associates

Company: Duane Reade, Inc.
Location: Various Stores
Status: Full Time or Part Time
Experience:
Salary:
Posted Date: 4/9/2007

Job Description:
Cashier/Stock

What We Do:

Duane Reade, New York's number one drug store chain, has the largest market share of any chain drug store in the New York Metropolitan area. We are recognized in this market as the consumer’s first choice for pharmacy and convenience needs including health and beauty care items, cosmetics, gift cards, vitamins and grocery items.

Convenient locations in NYC's five boroughs, Long Island, Westchester and New Jersey, flexible schedules that fit your lifestyle and promotions from within are just a few of the benefits we offer. If you are looking for a great career in retail, we welcome you to explore the many opportunities we have at Duane Reade; a Company where an exciting career is in your future!

Qualifications:

High school diploma or equivalency.

Must be eighteen years of age.

A smiling face and upbeat attitude.

The drive to see opportunity and go get it!

Dependable and trustworthy.

Passion and a sense of urgency to take care of the customer.

Basic leadership skills.

Ability to learn quickly and follow basic instruction.

Responsibilities:

Ensure a fast, accurate and pleasant check-out of all customers.

Provide exemplary customer service.

Deter shop-lifting following Company standards.

Follow basic instruction from store managers and assistant managers.

Unload trucks in compliance with Company standards.

Comply with the company uniform policy.

Conduct price audits using the scanner gun.

Ensure as many customers as possible are enrolled in the Dollar Rewards loyalty card program.

Be a team player and provide a helping hand to all associates.

Work safely and efficiently building displays and stocking shelves.

Treat all associates with respect and dignity.

Bring the right attitude to work everyday and ensure all customers leave the store happy!

Click on link below and apply online or visit us at our Career Center:

505 8th Avenue

New York, NY

(Entrance is on 35th street off of 8th Avenue)

*Dress code is business casual. No jeans or sneakers allowed.

From Consumerist: A Typical Day with HP Customer Service

2007-04-26T09:15:00.000-05:00

God Bless Consumerist.

Although nothing major happens during this recorded call to HP's customer service line, it's somewhat comforting to know that it's not just you who gets the runaround.

Enjoy.

Nice-os Doesn't Have the Same Ring...

2007-04-24T20:32:00.000-05:00

Gird your loins, people. I'm gonna post something positive.

Atlanta Bread Company...specifically the one in Clifton, NJ...you've melted a cold witch's heart.

BF and I were grabbing some lunch last Saturday at ABC. Because we both have the immune systems of a poorly-funded TB-ward, we had a lot of exceptions to our order:

Me: Balsamic Bleu Salad with Chicken, hold the tomatoes, dressing on the side.
Him: California panini without onions and sub Rosemary bread for onion panini.

Sold.

We get our food and sit down. I'm about to dive in (that'swhathesaid) and I see tomatoes. Ok, no biggie. I take them out and give them to BF.

He starts pulling out onions and we bemoan the poor service, but still maintain an even keel.

I'm halfway through my salad...why am I still hungry...wait - whereTF is my chicken?

BF chimes in with "yeah, this is still onion bread."

I channel my father and slam my napkin on the table, which falls to the floor, so really what was I proving by littering, and approach the counter.

"Hi, yeah, here's the receipt. The entire order is screwed up. He's allergic to onions and I'm not seeing any chicken in there." (Yeah, wearing the bitch hat.)

So I get the obligatory "sigh of frustration," which I think in the tri-state area is an official weather pattern.

And I expect nothing less than a side order of chicken added to my half eaten salad and a spare roll for BF. I'm not hopeful here. We ARE talking about customer service, right?

Well, I swear on Alec Baldwin's phone bill, they not only give us our money back, they give us both new entrees (that looked better than previous...and I saw them make it, no spittle in sight) AND escorted me to the table.

We're done, right?

No, because here comes Manager:

"Folks, I just wanted to stop by and apologize for the mix-up. I wouldn't blame you for not coming back, but I hope you do. We've just put things together here, so they're a little unorganized."

Sitting there, mid lettuce, I chew "thanks".

"Ok, well, you guys have a good day and hope to see you again!"

Ok...we're stunned. But wait, who's this?

Food prep guy: "hey, sorry about that. I screwed up. Hope you guys come back."

I choked on my complimentary bread. No really. I did. Crumb in windpipe.

Luckily, I recovered. They'd probably flog themselves if I choked to death.

So, bravo Atlanta Bread Company in Clifton, NJ. You guys took the Wrath out of me...

...That is, until I have to refill my meds at Duane Reade...

Duane Reade's Rigorous Entrance Exam

2007-04-23T08:58:00.000-05:00

A little bird told me to visit DuaneReade.com and take a look at their online job application. I figured it might have a typo or some lame background question, but I never thought I would stumble upon the comic gold that lies before you.

This test is multiple choice only. Please take out your #2 Ticonderoga pencils and put your head down on the desk when you've completed. You must answer each question before going to the next (this is true, btw). Ready class?

Begin!

As a condition of employment, would you be willing to be screened for illegal drug use in the next 3 business days?

Are you willing to work with the general public?
(Sincerely love the fact they have to ask.)

Will you authorize us to conduct a criminal background check?
(This theme was brought up a few times in the exam. I get that this is standard for pretty much any job, but about 25% of the test was dedicated to your 'record'.)

Have you ever been fired due to attendance problems?
Should a person who's been caught using illegal drugs or alcohol at work be fired?
(Ah, the trick moral question.)

Can you operate a calculator?
(For those special moments when the f*in registers blow.)

Have you been convicted of any other crimes in the past 10 years?
Do not answer "Yes" if your conviction record has been annulled, expunged, pardoned, erased, impounded or sealed. *Note: The existence of a criminal history will not automatically disqualify you from the job you are applying for.
(See?)

Has your family received Food Stamps in the last 15 months?
(Now, to be fair, they said these types of questions were there for tax purposes only, but I'm wondering if it's legal to even ask this question? Any lawyers out there willing to illuminate?)

In the last 6 months, were you member of a low-income family?
(Your choices here were 'yes, no or I'm not sure.' Sorry DR, I've been there. If you're broke, you're sure.)

Do you find dealing with customers to be difficult?

Is it hard for you to be friendly and courteous if the customer is rude?

Is it acceptable to argue with a customer if you think they are wrong?

Would you say finishing a task is more important than stopping to help a customer?
(These are my favorite, since folks obviously don't answer these truthfully. Funny how the questions they ask make you wonder how many complaints they've received that would warrant a special place in a job questionnaire.)

Would you rather:
A. Always be pleasant to everyone
B. Have supervisors who know what they are doing
(Those are the options - be nice or have a competent boss?)

Would you rather:
A. Decide yourself how to do the details of your work
B. Work where you don't have to pretend to be polite
(I truly would shed tears if they pretended to be polite.)

Would you rather:
A. Work where there are frequent conflicts
B. Do fun and creative work with your mind
(Gee, are there frequent conflicts at DR? Rather than finding folks who are ok with dealing with the conflicts, how about FIXING THEM?!)

Would you rather:
A. Do quick and accurate work with your hands
B. Stay patient with equipment that breaks down
(See 'calculator'.)

Answer these yes/no:
You do some things that upset people
(Does eating cheetos at the cash register count?)

You don't act polite when you don't want to

Any trouble you have is your own fault

You are careful not to offend people

You have no big regrets about your past
(Gettin' a little personal there, Duane. And, what if your biggest regret was not shooting up a pharmacy chain?)

It bothers you when you have to obey a lot of rules

It is maddening when the court lets guilty criminals go free (Another morality issue...personally, I was disappointed there was no 'roe v. wade' question here.)

You look back and feel bad about things you've done (Yes. Every moment of my life. It involves fire. Now, can you please give me a job where I can ignore customers, talk on my cell while 'working' a register and f*up pharmaceuticals? Thenkew.)

Pencils down!

Duane Reade: Missed Connections

2007-04-20T10:44:00.000-05:00

Oh god, there are so many wrongs in this world, this can only make it right:

"my dog peed at duane reade. - w4m (Midtown East)"

Reply to: pers-313938772@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-04-17, 11:09PM EDT

My puppy peed all over the floor at duane reade. You were on the phone and laughed as i tried to cover it up. You made me smile...

Dear pers-313938772: You had us at dog pee.

NJT: Ok, now you're just messing with me.

2007-04-18T16:31:00.000-05:00

4/18/07, 5:23pm from NJ Transit Alert:

Update: Due to a disabled train, NEC, NJCL, and Midtown Direct trains are subject to 15 - 30 minute delays in and out of NYPS.

4/18/07, 5:26pm from NJ Transit Alert:
Due to a disabled train, NEC, NJCL, and Midtown Direct trains are subject to 10 - 15 minute delays in and out of NYPS.

4/18/07, 5:29pm from NJ Transit Alert:
Attention: Due to a disabled train, NEC, NJCL, and Midtown Direct trains are subject to 10 - 15 minute delays in and out of NYPS.

So, let me get this straight:

First, there was a disabled train causing delays of up to half an hour.

Then, in a feat rarely seen outside of Leviticus, that train cut traffic IN HALF three minutes later.

Then we were scolded for not paying attention.

Duane Reade Ranked #7 out of 7 ::cue surprise face::

2007-04-18T12:04:00.000-05:00

Bwahahhaaahahahaaa!!! (lightning bolt)

Big fat kudos to Meredith for pointing this out - rock it, M!

Did you see this?

Duane Reade ranks 7th of 7 brick-and-mortar pharmacies for customer satisfaction. Big surprise.

In case you don't have a WSJ online subscription, here's the post:

April 17, 2007, 12:07 pm

Pharmacy Survey Says: Medicine Shoppe No. 1

Posted by Jacob Goldstein

When people get prescriptions filled, they like to be asked whether they want to speak with the pharmacist — even though they don't usually want to have that conversation. (Apparently, consumers just like to know it's an option.) That's among the findings released today from J.D. Power and Associates, which for the first time ranked customer satisfaction at pharmacies.

The results are based on an online survey of 6,543 U.S. consumers conducted last fall. The top retail pharmacy was Medicine Shoppe, an international franchise business owned by the drug distributor Cardinal Health. Here are the complete rankings for brick-and-mortar pharmacies:

1. Medicine Shoppe
2. CVS/Pharmacy
3. Walgreen's
4. Longs Drugs
5. Rite Aid
6. Brooks-Eckerd
7. Duane Reade

And for mail order:

1. Caremark
2. PharmaCare Management Services
3. Medco
4. Walgreen's Health Initiatives, Inc.
5. Express Scripts
6. PrecisionRx.com/WellPoint
7. CIGNA Pharmacy Management

The company also ranked pharmacy services at supermarkets, where Florida-based Publix was No. 1, and big-box stores, where Target fared best. For complete results, see the company's web site.

HA! HA! F*cking HA! I love karma/fate/yourmom. She's been such a good friend - like the time when the stuffy business dude gave me a huffed 'excuuuse me' while pushing past me and then tripped over his own feet into the large angry woman ahead of him. Yeah it's like that, but gooder!

UPDATE: Story is also posted via our friends at Consumeris t, with kicky grandpa jpeg.