Why I Hate You...

First in a series, this award goes out to a special customer who's irritated us enough to bring commuter sweats to a boil.


Why I Hate You...Networking Starbucks Customer

Yes "Ted," we see you. You've got the attention you'd asked for. We see you as you loudly proclaim your need for a quad latte because you only need 2-3 hours sleep MAX. We stand in awe before you when you turn to us behind you with a wink and assert that you need your "fix." We bow down to the ballsitude you show when you squeeze your self into that corner and reach into the forbidden barista zone, just to grab your own lid.

However, we will NOT be checking out your new gym around the corner that "blows the big boys out of the water." We do NOT want to watch you shake hands with every barista:

"HiI'mTedandyournameis"

"Hihowareyoui'mtedhowlonghaveyoubeenhere?"

"Hehyousureknowhowtoworkthatsteamerdon'thurtyourselfnow"

Please stop promising them skin care products from your girlfriend's job...unless you actually show up with the stuff and give us some.

Sir, it's 7:45 in the am. I shouldn't even be out of bed. I shouldn't be sober. Please don't network with the baristas. They don't care about your gym, your squat weight, nor your penchant for 'extra room.' They just want your free shit and their free coffee.

Ted, that's it.
I hate you.