This Just In: BYOKey

Josh, who writes a new blog called palaverist.org (and another, soon to be my personal fave: [this is not a sentence]) sent in this nightmare nugget:

My own story of hate is about the Duane Reade around the corner from my office, where I actually watched a woman [ed. - cashier, I'm assuming] assess the line forming by the pharmacy, ostentatiously lock the door to the pharmacy, and then tell all the customers standing there that there was no way she could give anyone their medicine because the pharmacy was locked.

Too crowded, ya'll. Unless you have Cheetos, I'm not opening shit.

Speaking of pharmacies...has anyone visited the Duane Reade doctor yet? I'm licking taxi floors just to get sick enough for a visit.

Dr. Reade is available at these locations:
• 1627 Broadway at 50th Street
• 2589 Broadway at 97th Street
• 125 East 86th Street at Lexington Avenue

Go forth and contract TB, people!

From Our Comments Section

Almost missed this - submitted by Anonymous:

http://duanereadebagssuck.com/

Indeed.

Martha Plimpton, New York Mag, and the DR

It would've made our day just to know that Martha Plimpton shares our hate of the DR. I mean, c'mon, she totally got to make out with pre-Lake House* Keanu in Parenthood. When he was all bad-ass and drove race cars and she was all preggers and 'I love you Todd' and he was all 'excellent' because really, who can't think of Keanu without thinking 'excellent.'

I digress.

We were certainly not prepared for the write up in NYmag.com's Daily Intelligencer.

Rock it, bad selves.

So now we know that Martha Plimpton hates Duane Reade. She's not the only one, of course, and, as it turns out, there's now a blog — why wouldn't there be a blog? — devoted to chronicling the horrors of the drugstore chain that's eating New York. I Hate Duane Reade launched in February and encourages reader to share their tales of woe. The first post meditated on the one-line-or-several debate; since then the site has included "Overheard in DR" posts ("Teenage girl shaking her fist: 'Fuck you Duane Reade! Gah!' –76th & Broadway"), numerous pharmacy horror stories, and April's sort of genius taxonomy of your standard Duane Reade employees. (A sample: "Photo Guy — He's there. He's just standing there. He knows you want him to say 'cash only' and invite you up. Nope. He's photo guy. Don't mess.") "After way too many bar sessions filled with rants about customer service, specifically the DR," the founders wrote on the site, "we decided to vent our frustrations in prose … and sometimes haiku." Here's a try: Martha Plimpton stews / While filling a prescription / "You have a Club Card?"

Rock.

It.

*a film never to see the light of day en casa de wrathos.

Paging Dr. Reade...

HOLY Hell, people.

Duane Reade is putting doctors on-site for folks who don't want to wait around at the emergency room.

On one side, I could see the benefits. Especially for lady issues.

On the other, can you imagine the crack den this is going to create?! It's gonna turn the DR into a TB ward!

From NY1:

May 24, 2007

Duane Reade customers can now not only pick up their prescriptions, but also see a doctor.

The city's largest drug store chain announced Thursday that it has partnered with Consumer Health Services to launch DR Walk-In Medical Care. The partnership will allow people to have access to a doctor's treatment for minor medical conditions without waiting for an appointment or spending hours in the Emergency Room.

New Yorkers NY1 spoke to say they like the idea.

"I would use it,” said one local resident. “There's a Duane Reade practically around any neighborhood."

"I most definitely would try it," said another.

"If I had reason to use it, I'd be glad to use it,” said a third. “I think it's very good; they should have had it a long time ago."

The doctors can also provide health screenings, tests, and vaccinations. All commercial insurance is accepted.

Currently the on-site doctors are at three Duane Reade locations in Manhattan: 50th Street and Broadway, 97th Street and Broadway, and 86th Street and Lexington Avenue.

More locations are expected to open throughout the year.

This can't be safe. They can barely FIND your prescription and now they ask you to put your life in their hands?!

I can't. E-V-E-N.

I Call BullSh*t: Update #2

The pledge is ON, people!

Here's Duane pledgin' at the subway stop:



And here he goes pledgin' up the bus stop:



What's that number about? Dare me to call them? I'm calling...no really, watch guys, watch!

Shhhhh....:chortle:...guys, c'mon quit playin! ooh-wait, it's ringing!

RING RING

Automated voice. Figures.
Press 1 for English...

*Pressed 1*

Press 1 for Location, store hours, etc.
Press 2 for Dollar Rewards
Press 3 for I forget I was typing too much
Press 4 for Dollar Rewards Bonus Points Program
Press 5 for another Dollar Rewards Thingy
Press 0 for assistance or wait on the line.

*I wait.*

If you are experiencing a medical emergency, please hang up and call 911.

*Am I going to hell because I laughed?*

Extension Zero...Zero...Zero...One is not available. Please leave a message after the tone.

YES!!!! BRILLIANT!

I was totally expecting some lame back and forth about what to do if my prescription didn't get filled on time, but Duane Reade, you surpassed my wildest expectations.

I thank you, Duane. Truly, you are beautiful.

I Call BullSh*t: Update

G. sent in this pic of one of the buses with Duane Reade's new "pledge."

"We Pledge To: Ensure you receive your prescription when you need it. Every time."

Tell that to my anemia next time you run out of B12...or more importantly, when I need my birth control refilled for vacation and you didn't get to it today.

Los bastardos.

I Call BullSh*t

::chortle::
Was it something we said?

It seems that Duane Reade has created a new ad campaign focused on some "pledges" they'd like to make their customers.

The one big banner I saw on a NJT bus proclaimed "We promise to deliver your prescription on time."

And here's something I found this morning near the vitamins:



BWAHHHAAAA! C'mon Duane, have you sent that memo to your employees? BTW, I'm so tempted to refill a script here, just to call Wesam and give a piece of my mind.

Now, I'm delusional about a lot of things:
- looking good in leggings
- my memory loss is not from college pot
- and that Aki Sushi really gets a fresh tuna delivery every day.

So, I'll continue the trend and think that WE had a little something to do with the DR's new call to action.

That said: has anyone else seen these ads? Got pics? Are there other "pledges" in the series? (Personally, I'm hoping for: "We promise not to eat Cheetos while operating a cash register.")

Diary of a Commuter Strike

I'm 32, so there's no hippie history, no protest experience, no free-wheelin' parents (they're 70ish and ultra-conservative) who instilled sticking it to THE MAN.

And yet, I find myself organizing a full-blown commuter strike against a local bus company.

This really doesn't fit in with the IHDR sentiment, but I felt compelled to share the experience with you...whether we succeed or fail.

How did this start?

Ok. There's a local online community called Baristanet and it's a really well done, frequently updated, fyi on what's up in our area.

Every time there's an article concerning DeCamp Bus Company, the comments section blows up. People share nightmare experiences (sound familiar), damn the company to a fiery death, describe the pains of a daily commute.

Examples are here, here and here.

Being Greek, I can't shut up.

"So, why don't we strike?"

Well, folks got fired up. T-shirts were brainstormed, date chosen, guerrilla marketing plotted. Wow. Uh, what did I start?

Mom always said "follow through" (so did Coach Poppy when I couldn't get a consistent foul shot). So that's what I've been doing.

Last night I was on every NJ chat room I could find. Ugh, the spam I'm going to get.

I take DeCamp maaaaybe once a month. When I'm desperate (read: drunkenly miss the train home). I purposely avoid the damn thing, even though I could jump from my balcony to the train stop.

So now I'm a Norma Rae vs. DeCamp. And we'll probably get 3 people to boycott and no one will sign the petition. But, I can't help hope that we get their attention and they finally ban abusive bus drivers or keep to the schedule they've assigned. Big dreams, people. Big dreams.

For more info on the strike, click here.

For the petition (if you'd like to sign in solidarity), here.

More on the DR next post.

Line It Up

I posted about this subject during the first week of this blog, but the concept still perplexes me.

I was at DR yesterday (where I got my $5 coupon - ssscore!) and immediately became uncomfortable when I saw that the line was snaking down the cereal aisle.

So I purposely took my time getting my bottled water, zone bar, coffee drink....line's still long....plastic forks, trial size purell....jesus, is it even moving...hair ties, another zone bar...alright that's it.

Yeah, the line was unusually long. Even for a Monday morning. Being a dedicated blogger (read: I stir shit up), I marched to the front to survey the hold-up.

I would love to share with you some LOLOldPeople story about how some poor woman was trying to pay with pennies and wooden nickels. Or that we were waiting on change from the manager, who no doubt was 'on a break'.

No my friends. What I witnessed was one long ass line...and two open registers.
Nothing gets me more fired up than stubborn ass people unwilling to take that (life-changing!) risk of forming two separate lines. To DR's credit, there are signs clearly stating "please form a single line at each register." But between lazy customers and aloof cashiers, there's no chance.

So obnoxious Wrathos inquires:"Are you guys in one line or two (stating the obvious, but I refused to believe these idiots were wrecking their chances of getting out of this hell hole faster)?"

No response.

"Because, the sign says you can form two lines..."

Nothing.

So, I sheep over to the back of the line and lemming in line for another 40 cattle minutes.

Here's the question:
Which do you prefer? One line or multiple lines? Statistically speaking, which makes more sense? Is there something you guys know that I don't???

Leave your answer in "Comments," because I'm truly curious.

The Post Office is a Magical Place...

Introducing the comic stylings of the Madison Square Post Office Greeter...

THIS GUY WAS AWESOME.

I know, you can't really see him and I suck at photoshop. Whatever. It's a dude and he was awesome. Now we're caught up.

His job is to prevent riots and postal drama like this. You walk in and the guy's holding court, cracking jokes, answering questions, and my favorite: making fun of the elderly.

"There is no running in the post office. Unless you're a senior citizen. We want you guys to stretch out the legs and work on your lung capacity."

I'm not shitting you.

"If you're a senior and you complain about the rising cost of stamps, let me remind you of your discount on subways, buses and IHOP."

I'm still not shitting you.

"Seniors, you continue to complain, I'm sending you to the back of the line."

Ahhh, I love this guy. Clearly he's ageist, and he's been assigned to customer service within an institution that is most traveled by folks on a fixed income.

Irony: There were no seniors on line. Truly. Median age was about 35.

OneBlogADay.com

While us girls recover from some major workload issues, check out the interview on OneBlogADay.com. It's a pretty cool site that features...uh yeah...one blog. A day.

We'll be back soon. Stupid paycheck needs.

A More Favorable Signal

For the past couple of days, we have been delayed a few minutes on the NJTransit train.

Usually the conductor announces over the P.A.:

Ladies and gentlemen, we're currently being held at a stop signal, once we receive a more favorable signal, we'll be on our way.

This gave me pause.

"A more favorable signal."

Ok, fair enough. And eloquent, I might add.

But, here's where I'm confused: What are the favorable choices, besides Green?

Are there more options? Is there a new system of lights, sounds, pictures and phrases to help us get over the Passaic?

One can only guess...so I did.

Favorable signals:

• Green
• Yellow
• Taupe
• Hello gorgeous!
• Nice weather we're having...
• Did you lose weight?
• No nukes
• ::big thumbs up::
• ::bucket of wings::
• Get a move on, tubs.
  
• Pass the dutchie on the left hand side.
  
• ::theme from Bonanza::
• Can-can girls
• Picture of cartoon train wearing running shoes
• ::whip crackle::
• Zepplin laser light show
• Guiliani

Aisle by Aisle: Cosmetics

Nothing says organization and style like the Duane Reade Cosmetic aisle.

Won't you join me, as I take us on an epic(ish) journey through this magical row?

As you walk down the aisle you may notice that Duane Reade is the height of sophistication. They need not finish stocking the products. The cardboard boxes and gray packing crates tell you they are a quality, efficient drugstore and they want to show how abundant your choices are.

And if you're fortunate enough to be looking for a specific item not on shelves, you might be invited to search through them by harried stock persons saddled with cell phone calls.

Duane Reade wants you to know that they mean business when giving their customers a choice. Like the overflow of emery boards, spilling in plentiful piles across the floor. Or the surplus of Triple Lanolin Mango Vera Cream. It brings a tear to the eye.

And, by stocking every makeup variation from Allmay to Allmaybenot, the DR shows they know their customers and aren't afraid of stocking that Hooker Red Wet N' Wild Lip Schmear you might be possessed to purchase after a few cocktails at the Port Authority's toothless karaoke lounge.

In addition, Mr. Reade has given you an opportunity to select quality last minute gifts from their counter. Perhaps a $79.99 Casio fabric-strapped watch for your nearest and dearest? Or what about some plastic jewelry or Parfum de Coeur? I mean, c'mon - it's 50% off with your club card!!

From hot iPod accessories to sample face masks to velcro rollers, the Duane Reade cosmetic aisle is an experience not to be missed.

Any items from the Cosmetic aisle you'd like to highlight? Tell us!

Overheard in the DR

From Overheard In New York:

Guy: I don't need a bag, thanks.
Store lady: You're going to carry that in your hand?
Guy: Yeah.
Store lady: That's fine with me. I love customers who don't want bags.
Guy: Why waste them, right?
Store lady: Yeah. People need to recycle. They keep cutting down more and more trees for these bags.
Guy: ...Yeah.
Store lady: Plastic bags are made out of trees, right?
Guy: ...Well, no...
Store lady: Oh, I think it's paper bags that are made out of trees.

--Duane Reade, 22nd & Park