So, have you seen Duane Reade's Twitter feed?

And by 'feed' I mean 'hey we tried Twitter! Oh shit, people are complaining. Wait, what's our canned response? Right, we'll use that! Hey guys, how are we gonna keep this up?? ::pout:: Twitter's hard!'

C'mon, DR. You're singing a love song to customers these days, but aren't following up with the steak dinner. Just talk to them, don't talk AT them. Tell them you're sorry about the mouse they found in your midtown location. Explain that you're understaffed and can't keep the place as clean as you'd like. Whatever.

And if you're going to promise full disclosure, dedication to customer service, 100% commitment to quality products and service, the least you could do is to get 'Brian' to properly use a social networking profile.

PS: I looooove that the only positive @ reply they received was from a dude with a gangsta Redd Foxx background.

The Next Addition to the Louvre

Ah 'New Yorkers'...how I love you. It's been 12 years since I've moved here, so I guess I can call myself a comrade by now. But it's moments like these that make me realize how far I have to go before having the privilege of that name.

From EV Grieve, I give you: The Beautifully Copy-Edited Duane Reade Ad

Duane Reade Signage (or more bullsh*t propaganda)

Photo by Ashley Simko (link) via Gawker

Gawker picked up this photo from blogger Ashley Simko. We've all seen these signs and new 'branding material' from the DR, but this pretty much slaps consumers in the face. Ask anyone in the tri-state area and it usually goes like this:

You: 'Just got back from Duane Reade. Had to pick up stuff.'

Them: 'oh yeah, love Duane Reade - thank god they're open 24 hours. But their pharmacy sucks! [insert epic tale of prescription woe here]'

That sign completely cuts to the core of what is horribly wrong about Duane Reade. I'll forgive the inconsistent branding, the sound-asleep security guard, and even the mouse in the corner. But the inept pharmacy? Never.

PS: Thx to Gawker for the shout-out!

Duane Reade Nostalgia

A good friend of mine sent me to webarchive.org, when I launched a new site for my day job. Of COURSE I used it to check out the DR.coms from days gone by...

1999...

2002....


And my favorite: 2004...



Duane Reade Fertility...discreet...caring...inept.

This Just In: I'm an Idiot

IHDR was featured earlier this month on NYTimes.com.

Just saw it today - and I was wondering why I was getting more email than usual!

Regardless: kick ass.

The 'Oh and...' Update: Manhattan Users Guide gave us a shout out as well - thanks MUG!

The Latest in Pandemic Couture...

(Thanks to Richard, for sending this in!)

Indeed.

From Overheard In New York:

Hobo stopped for stealing a box of bottled water: But Obama's President! Everything should be motherfucking free for the next 279 years!

--Duane Reade

Stay Classy, Duane Reade

There are some times when you can't even make fun. Glad to hear the suit was settled, though.

From NYTimes, a Duane Reade Sexual Harassment Lawsuit:

Duane Reade Settles U.S. Harassment Suit

By Sewell Chan

Updated, 12:14 p.m. | Duane Reade, the drugstore chain with more than 200 stores in the New York area, will pay $240,000 to settle a lawsuit brought by the federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission claiming a pattern of sexual harassment and retaliation at one of its Bronx stores, the commission announced on Wednesday.

At the store, employees faced sexual harassment and pregnancy harassment, the commission said. “The store manager, Madiaw Diaw, frequently made vulgar remarks about women’s private parts, sexually propositioned female employees, made lewd comments about their pregnancies and bodies, assigned unfavorable job duties to pregnant employees and repeatedly grabbed female employees, including grabbing their buttocks,” the commission said in a statement.

Employees who complained and filed discrimination charges were retaliated against by being subjected to further harassment by supervisors, the commission said.

The suit was filed in Federal District Court in Manhattan after the commission tried to reach a voluntary settlement with Duane Reade.

“This settlement achieves the E.E.O.C.’s objectives by providing appropriate relief to the victims of sexual harassment while implementing appropriate measures to prevent this kind of violation in the future,” said Spencer H. Lewis, director of the commission’s New York district office. In addition to money damages, the suit had sought improvements in training and other policies.

Duane Reade said in a statement:

Duane Reade will not tolerate sexual harassment of any kind and is committed to a safe and professional working environment for all of its employees. As such, Duane Reade has implemented stringent sexual harassment and non-discrimination polices throughout all levels of the Company, including its stores. Duane Reade requires all new and existing employees to complete mandatory training in the Company’s sexual harassment and non-discrimination policies on an annual basis.

Thanks to DJ_Darko for that tip!

Duane Reade Champú Le Gusta Su Cabello

Have to give massive props to @edgardoburgos on Twitter for pointing this out.

Prescription Mayhem

Daisy Buchanan called me over yesterday to relay this Duane Reade nugget:

Had to drop off a prescription this morning. They told me to come back at 11:00. I waited until 12:20, and it wasn’t ready.

Their response? “You can’t give us a minute? You can stand here and read something”

Um actually, I gave you an extra 80 minutes more than you said you would need.

My concern? They suggested you hang around and READ SOMETHING?! Like what? The back of a Nicorette box?!

Looks Like Measles...Chicken Pox....Acne?

View Larger Map


Ever see that virus movie 'Outbreak'? Yeah...like that. For maximum eye-roll, zoom out.

If Your Name is Duane Reade, Watch Your Back in Aisle #4

Blindgator is a personal blog, written from the point of view of Brian, the one and only legally blind comic, which is an AWESOME tag line!

From his recent trip with his dog to Duane Reade:

And then we came to the Duane Reade. We were navigating pretty well, until I turned down one aisle, and Nash cleared the display, but the handle of the harness didn’t. And crash, I think they were chips of some kind, as I was in the soda aisle, but it did make a loud noise, and my first reaction. I actually shouted out, “Clean up aisle 4.” It made me laugh, besides what else am I going to say. “Sorry, but if Duane Reade didn’t find it necessary to put a display in every bit of free walking space, these things wouldn’t happen/” I am betting that I am not the first blind person to ever go into a Duane Reade, and probably not the first blind person with a guide dog to go into a Duane Reade. What the hell does Duane Reade do when someone in a wheel chair comes into the store? The pharmacy is in the back of the store. Do they have to go to every aisle, and maybe actually find one that you don’t have to squeeze through? I do not believe knocking over part of the display was Nash’s fault. I chock that one up to Duane Reade. If I ever meet someone named Duane Reade, I may have to be restrained from punching them.

I'm hoping his dog is named after Nash Bridges, 'cause that would earn extra points.

Overheard In the DR (well, Overheard ABOUT the DR)

Guy on cell: I'm telling you, when a place like that switches from Charmin to Duane Reade toilet paper, you know the economy is in the shitter.

--Great Jones & Broadway

From OverheardInNewYork.com

Sticker Stupidity

One thing (really? just one?) I can't stand is retail confusion.

I always think of the little old lady, who's trying to stick within her fixed income, getting flummoxed over the 57 price tags before her in the tape aisle.

I am now that little old lady. Well, sort of. I have a job. But - I am kerfuffle-d over the difference prices of packing tape:


There are two tags for the DR Brand of packing tape. Same SKU (the product number identifier on the barcode. See? It paid to have that stock position at Bradlees.), right next to each other, but one is 60 cents more expensive!!


Ugh.

There is a happy ending to this story, as the cashier didn't charge me the higher price. And you KNOW that would've been an issue beyond implosion.

If you spot any of these, send them my way. I'm SURE I'm not the only one seeing these. Actually, Consumerist had a similar experience a couple weeks ago. Seems the DR is a little 'old lady' itself.

When a Deductible Involves Doing Your Job (so annoying, right?!)

While I catch up on all of your comments - yes, stop yelling, I'm back and pissy - I found what seems to be a typical story from the DR. This customer shared the email sent over to the Dark Tower (or...'corporate office):

I just visited your 57th street and 6th Avenue location in New York City to pick up a prescription and buy other items. The cashier who checked me out downstairs at the pharmacy was rude, abrupt and obnoxious - behavior that was completely unprovoked. There were three registers to check-out, none of which were manned. One had a sign that said register closed so I placed my items on one of the other counters. After a bit of a wait, the cashier finally came over, didnt look at me, and gathered up all of my items and moved them to the other one and said in a loud, rude voice, This register is closed! I apologized and said there was no sign at that one, only at the other. She rang up my items and when I questioned why my prescription was ringing up a very large amount, she exhaled loudly and told me that I probably had a deductible. I said I had never paid one before (this was my first time this year getting a script) so she picked up my prescription, held it in the air to the pharmacist and yelled,

"Can you check this for a deductible! She said she never paid one before and doesnt think she has to pay." The pharmacist confirmed I had one and I said OK and paid my bill.

I dont understand why this cashier was so annoyed and quite frankly, I felt embarrassed and annoyed when I absolutely shouldnt have. The girl works in the pharmacy and should expect questions like the one I had about my deductible. I will be taking my business elsewhere so I never have to deal with this awful type of customer service again.

Yikes. Also? Typical.

Needless to say, send your stories or comment here.

PS: the angry baby photo is from a Philadelphia Eagles blog and I applaud their use of said baby.

Guaifenesin - Treats Your Gout and Keeps the Horses Down

You know those generic photos on all Duane Reade windows? Ever wonder which drug they chose as the random example?

Guaifenesin, my friends.

What can Guaifenesin do for you? Why, in addition to relieving a throat tickle, it's good for curing Gout, for use as a horse anesthetic, and to facilitate fertilization in women, among other uses.

DuaneReade has discovered SuperTussin!

PS: I know that pic sucks, but there was a glare during the commute. Squint through the Con Ed set up and you'll get the gist.

IHDR on Hiatus

Hey kids -

Sorry we haven't written in a long time. It's been a slow summer and there hasn't been a lot to write when it comes to the DR.

We'll be back when things get busy again - feel free to keep sending us your tales of woe and we'll collect them for the re-launch.

Thanks for everyone's patience. If you're truly desperate for snark and crappy writing, you can visit Wrathos's blog while you wait for the triumphant return of IHDR.

xo
The Four Bitches

Duane Reade Kills Harry Potter

Ok, maybe not.

But he DID allow a copy of the last Harry Potter book to be purchased by a lucky...er...muggle. I just burped shame.

From Gawker:

From the mailbag: "Just got the new Harry Potter book (for a friend...seriously) at the Duane Reade on Worth and Lafayette. I plucked it out of one of the opened boxes marked 'Do not open until July 21' and bought it with no hassle whatsoever. Embargoes are overrated."

Lookit Duane, trying to be all controversial. Whatever. That New York shit-cano that exploded last night should've been in front of a DR.

Great Moments in Other Blog Comments

Where we pull comments on the DR from other posts. Times are hard. Bitches need content.

From Curbed, regarding the phantom pooper, who's been terrorizing Boerum Hill of late:

The Brooklyn comment is silly. I once saw someone shitting against the side of a drug store in a "gentrified" neighborhood in Manhattan. The fecal remains stayed there for weeks, until we had a lot of rain. But come to think of it, it was Duane Reade, so they actually deserved it.

By Yinz at July 2, 2007 2:11 PM

We're all for the 'down with the DR' sentiment...but pooping?

ONLY if they run out of my zone bars.

Then I'm droppin' trou.

Introducing the Duane Reade Makeup Artist

I've removed the identifiers, but you know where to go if you'd like a makeup artist from Duane Reade...

Poor thing. She's probably really good at makeup, but the hex of the DR is upon her. Our advice: Don't include them on your resume. Stick to the less evil companies you worked for.

Wonder if she uses only Apartment 5...I'm partial to Lemon-Lime Fruit Shine...


**************************************************

Makeup Artist for Hire!

---

Reply to: [redacted]@yahoo.com
Date: 2007-07-16, 11:44PM EDT

[name redacted]
. .
NY, NY
mobile
email: [redacted]@yahoo.com

EXPERIENCE

Duane Reade, New York, N.Y
Cashier - 2004 - 2005