This Just In: Faux-Yolk Edition

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From "Ernestina":

Husband in car with sleeping 3 year old. Long day of Irish Pride spent at the St Patty's Parade in Staten Island. Toes and fingers frozen, contacts suctioned to my eyeballs, all I need is a few quick things to hold us over until our monthly Supermarket Sweep this week. Soda, Milk, Pop Tarts and Cereal.

Grab my loot in 4 minutes, only one person on line--YAYA...

.............7 minutes later.............

I'm sitting on my basket of loot because I am tired and stuck behind a woman who is not only 100, not only wearing one of those "knit caps with the wig attached", but who is buying completely useless shit. If she was purchasing things like heart medication, band aids, you know, I could wait.

But this list is SO RANDOM and she piles everything on the 1 x 1 counter in a HUGE PYRAMID which eventually topples and takes another 7 minutes to pick the crap up.

SAID CRAP:

1 box of mac and cheese
1 box of chocolate covered liqueur cherries that looks ABOUT 25 years old with dust on it
2 jugs of windshield wiper fluid ??????????? (Please get off the road old lady)
14 Cadbury chocolate eggs with the gross, yellow faux-yolk
1 Case of water
1 stuffed bunny that sings when you squeeze it which she keeps squeeeeeeeeeeeeezing.
1 box of baby wipes (don't want to know)
1 lollipop
1 dishtowel
1 sponge
rope (not kidding)

Just when the end looks near, she pulls out 150,000 coupons from her pocket.

Then I hear the most glorious words over the loudspeaker:

"I'm open in Cosmetics! Please step over!"

THANK YOU JESUS.

15 minutes gone.....when I get back to the car, husband and child, both asleep in running car.

SIGH.