Saturday, March 3, 2007

Why Phoenix Sucks

  1. They have scorpions. I am paralyzed with fear in the face of a waterbug, but at least they won't sting you in your sleep and incur the pain of (what I was told felt like) birthing 15 babies made of spikes. (Okay, I made most of that up. But I bet it hurts a lot.)
  2. My cab driver from the airport to the hotel punched his steering wheel when I told him where I need to go.
  3. Same cab driver, upon dropping me off, pulled my bag out of the trunk, left it right next to the trunk and peeled out the second I closed my door.
  4. New cab driver (after dinner that night) took me to the La Quinta in Phoenix when I specifically said the La Quinta in Tempe to which he replies, "You are wrong." Well, buddy, that's you're opinion, but we're still at the wrong f-ing La Quinta.
  5. La Quinta.
  6. When scheduling my hotel shuttle to the airport they asked if I could go at a different time because that time is the drivers lunch. (Uh, yeah. Hows about I call the airline and see if they'll reschedule my flight because my driver needs to eat?)
  7. La Quinta shuttle driver leaves me off at baggage claim. Huh? What?!
  8. Frontier Airlines does not have self check-in so you are forced to stand on this very long and painfully slow moving line.
  9. When I got to the desk to check in with a human, I just happened to overhear someone say the flight has been delayed 2 hours. When I asked the human if that were true the conversation went a little like this:

Me: Um, is our flight delayed?

Human: You didn't already hear that when you were in line?

Me: Was there an announcement made to the line?

Human: No.

Me: Then no.

Human: Well, that's what the line is for.

Me: ???????????

  • The final nail in this nightmare coffin: 2 hours hanging out Mexicana Cantina (or whatever it was called) trying desperatly to get the 80's waitress' attention and sweater vest guy thinking I'm playing Basic Instinct with him because I am staring intently in his direction (where the kitchen was.) What's a girl got to do to get the hell out of this town?!

Seriously, Phoenix? I was only there for one night!

1 comment:

************************* said...

oh honey...

i suggest never again staying at a hotel whose name loosely translated in portugese means 'loose vagina.'

in my humble opinion...