Duane Reade Kills Harry Potter

Ok, maybe not.

But he DID allow a copy of the last Harry Potter book to be purchased by a lucky...er...muggle. I just burped shame.

From Gawker:

From the mailbag: "Just got the new Harry Potter book (for a friend...seriously) at the Duane Reade on Worth and Lafayette. I plucked it out of one of the opened boxes marked 'Do not open until July 21' and bought it with no hassle whatsoever. Embargoes are overrated."

Lookit Duane, trying to be all controversial. Whatever. That New York shit-cano that exploded last night should've been in front of a DR.

Great Moments in Other Blog Comments

Where we pull comments on the DR from other posts. Times are hard. Bitches need content.

From Curbed, regarding the phantom pooper, who's been terrorizing Boerum Hill of late:

The Brooklyn comment is silly. I once saw someone shitting against the side of a drug store in a "gentrified" neighborhood in Manhattan. The fecal remains stayed there for weeks, until we had a lot of rain. But come to think of it, it was Duane Reade, so they actually deserved it.

By Yinz at July 2, 2007 2:11 PM

We're all for the 'down with the DR' sentiment...but pooping?

ONLY if they run out of my zone bars.

Then I'm droppin' trou.

Introducing the Duane Reade Makeup Artist

I've removed the identifiers, but you know where to go if you'd like a makeup artist from Duane Reade...

Poor thing. She's probably really good at makeup, but the hex of the DR is upon her. Our advice: Don't include them on your resume. Stick to the less evil companies you worked for.

Wonder if she uses only Apartment 5...I'm partial to Lemon-Lime Fruit Shine...


**************************************************

Makeup Artist for Hire!

---

Reply to: [redacted]@yahoo.com
Date: 2007-07-16, 11:44PM EDT

[name redacted]
. .
NY, NY
mobile
email: [redacted]@yahoo.com

EXPERIENCE

Duane Reade, New York, N.Y
Cashier - 2004 - 2005

It's the few-cher!!! IHDR takes a chance on DRExpress.

Have you guys seen these thingys?



















WTF, right? Well, for clarity's sake, I'll tell you that it's a Duane Reade automatic prescription filler.

Apparently brought to you by Cialis. Thanks, Duane, but I'll keep my girly bits.

Here's how it works:

1 - You smirk at everyone in that god-awful pharmacy line, especially the exasperated woman who's trying to explain that Williams doesn't start with an "L."

2 - You take your prescription and put it face down on the scanner.

3 - Then the pharmacist-slash-1800Dentist-operator appears on the screen. LIVE!



Hi Honey.

4 - You chat with her, find out that she works at the Union Square branch and she's actually very nice.

5 - Then you do what most DR customers fear. You leave your prescription in the box next to the screen.

Seriously, you don't physically give your script to anyone.

You leave it in a box and hope and pray that you don't get pregnant because someone mistook the box for shipments of tainted Veggie Booty and threw it out.

6 - Chick on screen tells you how long to wait for your meds. I chose to leave and come back.

7 - You get a receipt.

A few hours later...

I come back to the DR and of course there's that damn pharmacy line. Today's entertainment is a cashier fighting with another cashier about who's taking break because she "sure as hell ain't doing pharmacy anymore."

Ya heard?

Finally get to the front, give them my name, and learn that you can't pick up your meds without the receipt.

Right. Sh*t. Ok. Back to the office to get my receipt, which I left in my purse.

Ok back. No line, thank god, when I get there and pay up.

But the questions here are:
- Is the DR Express really a faster way to get your prescription filled? You have to stand in a line one way or another.
- And what happens when you lose that receipt? Can you imagine that nightmare?
- And can I request a male operator, preferably wearing tight scrubs and a cowboy hat? Shut up, I had a thing for M*A*S*H.

Holy S* Someone Used Dr. Reade!!

A review posted on Yelp came in mixed, but at least we're getting a little sneak peek into the mysterious Duane Reade "Doctors" On Call.

Sounds like they're pushing OTC meds on top of whatever script they give you:

The doctor did a quick strep culture (negative), then wrote me a prescription for steroids to reduce the swelling and circled some things on his stupid list of over the counter recommendations such as Aleve, zinc lozenges, and halls, basically just different brand names of the stuff I bought last night. Then I paid $95 and crossed to the other side of the store to hand my prescription to the pharmacy less than 30 minutes after I walked in.

Interesting. Wonder how much of a bonus the doctors get if people buy the items on this magical "list."

Things At the DR For My Inner Beavis

This Just In from "TangyRumpRoast"...whose name is half the reason this got posted. Now for the other half:

"I was in the Duane Reade at Penn Station, buying twine [...], and as I was going to the cash registers I saw a woman out of the corner of my eye. Something weird caught my eye with her shoe, so I looked down. Something was white on the back of her shoes - looked like a design, I thought.

As I was headed toward the line, she was in front of me and I thought, maybe it's toilet paper. And I was about to say something, but by that point I stopped, b/c I saw some sort of frill on the edge of it and realized it was...

...the wing of a maxi pad, which curved up and gripped the heel of her shoe.

And no. I didn't say anything."

Heh..hehhehehhhehheheh....dumbass.

Our 100th Post!!

Thanks to everyone who visited and to those who wrote about us this year. They're listed in the blog roll, so visit them often!

We'd like to keep up the snark, so keep sending in your retail nightmares to svh2007 [at] gmail [dot] com.

In celebration, here's the post that put us on the (very tiny) map. Enjoy!

Duane Reade Stratego

Map It. Rock It.

Winick is a group that apparently specializes in Retail Real Estate.

So, naturally, they need someone to create fliers for their clients. Someone...who can ROCK THE DUANE READE PRESENTATION:

We are looking to hire immediately.

We are looking for an energetic, tech savvy, creative person, which can make cool maps and presentations for our clients.

Need to excel in all Microsoft and Adobe Programs on a windows platform

Before we set up an interview I would like the following:

Pick any store front in NY (see our flyers at http://www.winick.com/properties.htm )

Make your own flyer and make a competition map on Google maps so we can sell Duane Reade Drug store the site. Duane Reade will need to see all the competition (Duane Reade, Rite Aid, CVS, Walgreens, and super markets) with in the neighborhood.

Please email the completed map and flyer to XXXX@winick.com

Overheard in the DR: What Exactly is the Tampon Dance?

From Overheard in New York:


Biotech to friend: Stop doing the tampon dance and let's get out of here already.

--Duane Reade

Alcoholics, Chain-Smokers, and Addicts...NoPointsForYou!

You guys probably know this, but it doesn't make it suck any less.

According to Duane Reade's website, and I think the fine print on the receipt, you can't earn Dollar Reward points by purchasing the following:

• Alcohol
• Cigarettes
• Prescriptions
• Lottery Tickets
• Gift Cards
• Money Orders (didn't even know they had these...I'm picturing a napkin with a sharpie-drawn 'I Owe You')
• Pre-paid Phones
• Postage Stamps
• Phone Cards

So, in case you're buzzed, looking to refill your herpes cream while sending a self-stamped package of lottery tickets to Aunt Mildred, and talking on your pre-paid cell with Mom about the Applebee's gift card you want to get for Dad...you should probably pick up $100 worth of paper towels to get your coupon.

NJ State Fair: We Want You to P*ss Yourself

Something caught my eye while waiting at CVS for a prescription.

I was reading the local paper...having a massage...when I came across an ad for the New Jersey State Fair at the Meadowlands.

I'm all for getting folks' attention with witty catchphrases and cool visuals. But I was compelled to visit their website in order to share this with you guys:




This is actually from their downloadable brochure.

Pretty cut and dry. Dates of the fair, map of the midway, smiling kid.

Oh, but wtf is this...




BEST. SLOGAN. EVER.

Because when I think of State Fairs, I think "Gee, they're all pretty cookie cutter. Now if I could only find one to make me piss my pants...well, THAT would be SOMETHING!"

Cold Turkey: Day 15

I know, I know. I haven't kept you guys in the loop.

It's day 15 of my 'I hate Duane Reade so much that I have to boycott them for a while' hoo-daddy.

And I'm miserable.

Why? Because if I don't go, there's nothing to blog about!

Sure, I could dump a few links from YouTube, post a few notes about general customer treatment. But it's not the same.

So, back to the DR. I lasted 15 days. Think I owe someone a Coke.

This Just In: Coupons 101

Ah, the "coupon."

The consumer's best friend.

That is, until you try to redeem at the DR.

This just in from Susan B.:

I wanted to fight a parking ticket, so I needed pictures. I went to the
local DR to buy an instant camera, and after a quick calculation realized it would be cheaper to buy the free processing one. Which says, on the package, "Free 1 hour processing" and "coupon inside."

So yesterday, around 3, I dropped it off. The woman asked me if I'd be getting it that night, and I said first thing this morning. (DR's photo desk closes at 6 pm and reopens at 8.)

This morning, I slept in, so I didn't go to pick them up until 11. They weren't ready. The negatives were hanging there, but the photos had to be printed. I agreed to give the worker the "one second" she needed, and about 15 minutes later she had my prints ready (and the ones she'd taken care of while I stood there but before she started mine).
I was buying a diet coke, which she promptly rang up with the cost of the photos.

"The processing is free," I told her. "That coupon you were looking at? Says it's free."

"No," she told me, "That says free 1 hour."

"Yes," I replied, "Free prints with one hour processing."

"You have to pay for the prints," she said.

"Then what does free one hour processing mean?" I asked.

"That you get the one hour free."

"They weren't even ready in six hours," I replied.

At that point we both began studying the coupon, which said, "Free single set 4" x 6" prints. One hour processing." That should have convinced her,
right?

No. The small print said, "Free up to $7.49. If more than $7.49, $7.49 off."

"See," she said, "You only get them free if they're $7.49. Yours are $5.29." (I didn't shoot the whole roll, because I didn't think the parking ticket judges really needed 27 photos of the lack of signs on the block where I parked, and there were only so many filler pictures I could take in 48 hours.)

At that point I just looked at her, and she asked if I wanted the manager.
I said yes. He did arrive promptly, but she then said, "She says she gets
free prints, but her prints don't cost $7.49." He quickly figured out how
to, in fact, give me free prints with my free print coupon.

I left as the woman behind me was asking whether she got a discount because her 1 hour processing wasn't ready in an hour. Although I didn't stick around to
listen, it appeared that the manager was telling her no.

Anyone else have coupon nightmares? I'm sure there's times when the DR even confuses their own dollar rewards system.

Send us your story.

The I Hate Duane Reade RAP

Genius. PURE Genius. I'm in love.
Best part: "I might be hiding behind the Get Well Cards..."

Who knew the DR could be so romantic?

From YouTube.

Missed Connections: Hot, Bearded, and Interested

From Craigslist:

Duane Reade - u were lookin for gum? - m4m - 24 (Gramercy)

I was picking up some beer for tonight... you were strolling through the gum selection. You were hot, bearded, and interested, I think. We made eye contact at the register... when you came up right behind me, I chickened out. If you remember what kind of beer I was buying, I'll buy you a beer when we meet up.