Friday, April 6, 2007
Each week we'll shed light on a different aspect of your Duane Reade shopping experience.
"Cast of Characters"
Waiting in line at the DR is always a treat, but what you may not know is that the front counter is a strategic and airtight operation, involving key players and military precision.
Cashier 1 - She came with the building and will take no shit from anyone this morning, thank you very much, now do you have your club card.
Cashier 2 - Cell texting dynamo whose entire collection of gold plated accessories must be worn at all times. You can't work a register when a baller's calling, so she aint helping you.
Cashier 3 - Pacer. She walks back and forth behind the counter, moving one item at a time from top shelf to bottom shelf and then back again b/c the best thing to do when a line is aisle-deep is look busy enough not to have to open a second register.
Cashier 4 - Where the fuck did she go, she was JUST here!
Cashier 5 - C'mon now - you think they actually HAVE a cashier 5?
Stock Guy - Sitting on box of Garnier Fructis samples, blissfully contemplating a change in career...ok that part is bullshit. Asshole is sitting on my leave in conditioner.
Manager - In the back with cashier 5.
Asst. Manager - Up front, trying to distract Dewey the Bum from getting another free pack of matches.
Dewey the Bum - Gets free matches here.
Photo Guy - He's there. He's just standing there. He knows you want him to say 'cash only' and invite you up. Nope. He's photo guy. Don't mess.
Pharmacy Cashier - She doesn't speak English. She has your pills. Do the math.
Pharmacist - Uptight white asshole who delights in the following statements:
"when we said it'd be ready by 4:30, we meant we'd check if we had it by 4:30."
"you have to call your doctor and then have him call us and then we'll call him back to get the approval."
"no you can't get your prescription back, it's already been processed."
"go to another Duane Reade, but you have to call your doctor for another prescription."
"we don't have insulin."
Anyone we've missed? Tell us.