This Just In: Prescribe Me Edition

Ah, another entry into the Duane Reade BS Hall of Fame:

Isn't it time the biggest pharmacy chain in NYC moves past the disgruntled employee scrounging through alphabetical buckets when retrieving our prescriptions? All I'm asking for is a computer linked to a conveyor belt and the ability to swipe my debit card.

Picking Up A Prescription At Duane Reade: AKA A finely tuned strategy in which I ultimately buy more crap.

Me: I'm picking up

Employee: Last Name?

Me: Schwartz

Employee: S - h? w? - s???

ME: S-C-H-W-A-R-T-Z

Employee: First Name?

Me: eye roll indicating annoyance at not being asked my full name in at once
Me: Allison

Employee: Goes to the "S" bucket and sifts through every single prescription, during which time I text my boyfriend, blow my nose take a picture of my shoe on my cellphone, and decide I need to buy more Chapstick conveniently sold at the pharmacy checkout.

Employee: Shouts while taking a futile stab at the "A" bin. When did you call it in?

Me: This morning.

Employee: Oh. She nods as if to say "that's a totally different story" and begins to rummage through the stack of prescriptions that have not yet been sorted and while looking for mine decides that this would be a super time to alphabetize the lot

Me: Bite my nails

Me: Decide I need Purell hand sanitizer so I can bite my nails without fear of strange diseases, conveniently in my purview

Me: Decide I have no time for lunch and grab an energy bar from the under the checkout counter

Employee: Finds my prescription and rings up my items annoyed at something, possibly that I have a first and last name that begin with different letters.

Employee: You have a 5 dollar coupon!

Me: I take my yard long receipt and stuff it in my bag with disgust. Another $100 bucks spent at Duane Reade.

Well executed, Ms. Schcwh5rtz!

Got an equally bullshitty story? Tell us.